on a sat nite

marcus bought a new train set today, now he's so engross in playing with the train set.

as for me, arghhhhhhhh! i'm so torn. i can't go out clubbing tonite, but as i'm doing my work and listening to 91.3, the songs are so nice. OMG! i feel like going out to dance.... arghhhhhhh, so torn.

better things in life

tho work sucks this week, but other things like love and life has been good, so no complaints. kena toto $60. altho not much, but it was a good dinner wif husband who juz came back from field camp last nite.

and guess wat, i almost got the 4D 2nd prize last nite, juz one number, so close, damn. guess not fated to win big, haha. got to be contented with life. there are people who are much worse off than me.

cheer up, sandra! someone also told me to adopt a bo chap attitude towards work, or act blur. i may seriously take up the suggestion.

noticed the moon these past two nites? it was lovely. so big, so yellow, so clear. feels so romantic like that. moon evokes this special feeling in me.

really hate

i really hate work.... it's getting very shitty. lots of hatred brewing inside me.

BELL RANG, HAVE TO GO, NOT FOR CLASS BUT FOR AN URGENT MEETING, MY FREE PERIOD SOMEMORE, DAMN

hate.... we r juz the pawn for management.

i hate...

work is so shitty today. please dun practise double standards, if u want me to inform u earlier that i have courses to attend, then tell us earlier (not two days before) that u have workshop planned for us. i'm juz returning u wat u did to us, we were in total shock to receive the email.

aren't u glad i read my email at home? given some other people, they couldn't be bothered, cos nobody reads emails on public holiday, not to mention weekend, since we operate on a five day week. be grateful i didn't bitch ard and pao dou u. but knowing u, i know u have lots of excuses to cover yourself. but the time frame u gave me is riduculously short. but dun worry, i didn't put my heart to do it, i juz want it done and over with. i could have bitched about this, but i choose not to, haha!

dun tell me that i must be humble. i dun give a damn to wat people say abt me, if they can't stand the confidence i exude, so be it, it's their problem, not mine. dun mould me into somebody u like! so wat if i'm distant, i'm proud! it's my life! i'm not a plasticine for u to mould.

gosh, i hate ......

so fast, the long weekend is over soon

sob sob, so sad, the long weekend is over soon, and tmr is back to school, a long week at sch.

last nite, went to east coast food centre. it was newly renovated and the place looks good with more seatings and a more beach theme renovation. u can see the stalls at one go, so it's not so messy. no wonder newton circus' business is affected. it was very crowded and there were plenty of cars, plenty of people.

so managed to get a space and a seat. of course, it takes a little bit of courtesy to ask people if they mind sharing the table wif us. so we ordered our food and ate.

marcus... he finished eating, so he was playing wif the toy trains and dragging the trains on the seats we were sitting. when he came behind me, the toy trains fell to the floor, and he said, " mummy, your backside so big!" then he laughed! warao, so embarressed leh.

but i guess children being children, they are quite straightforward with their comments. for those who watch that jap cartoon, la bi xiao xin, the little boy in the show also never cease to embarress his mother, juz like marcus, and they have the same face shape, and same hairstyle somemore, so funny.

the children never cease to amaze me. i'm very contented and happy juz by looking at them. i always wonder what if i didn't have them, give birth to them.

haji

juz came back from sim lim square. wow! i'm amazed by the crowd there, so crowded and so many merchandise/accessories on sale. IT is amazing.

later going for swim and dinner wif family memebers. weather looks good...

jon and victoria is finally out

alright, yipeeee! hooray!!!! jon and victoria is finally eliminated from the amazing race. that leaves 5 grps of couples

dating/engaged models (the gal was so prejudiced against 3rd world countries, she hyperventilates)

married pro wrestlers (very strong muscles, oh yah, and she got a boob job)

dating actors (the gal alwasy wear the spaghetti strap so loose that half of her B is hanging out from it)

long distance relationship (quite a sweet couple, so far, nothing against them)

ex bf gf (the guy with the hair tied like an antenna. they quarelled big time on national tv, she said that he was abusive and she wasted two years on him, then his face was like in a state of shock, all these on national tv!)

so i reckon and dun mind married pro wrestlers or the long distance relationship team winning.

wat to blog

for my fans out there, i'm blogging for the sake of blogging. Nay, too cocky.

ok, mabel is feeling better, juz need to force her to walk, cos she's so afraid of pain, that she dun dare to walk. so now she's actually trying.

think going to school is really tiring them out, sleep so early, but good lah, i can imagine their little sponge (brains) soaking up the new knowledge.

omg, marcus doesn't know his chinese name, when chinese teacher call him, no response from him... die, he so potatoe. (or is it banana?)

fragile Mabel

mabel seem to have twisted one of the tendons in her right leg, thigh to be more precise. dunno wat happen, when she woke up on sunday, she was crying and say that her leg is painful. she didn't dare to walk the whole day.

brought her to the chinese doc. but she still didn't dare to walk. i think she is being paranoid. when i carry her, she is like so frightened that it's painful that she stiffen her leg muscle, think the stiffening of her muscle cause her the pain. she should juz relax her leg.

but she was crying every 15 mins at nite. it was like i know she's tired, but she didn't dare to lie down. she just sat on the bed, then she refused to let marcus go near her. she'll scream and cry when marcus climbed up the bed, and he's not even near her! omg!

had to carry her and pat her to sleep. only when she sleeps, then i can continue my work. i know it's painful for her, i can only hug her tight. wish i could remove the pain for her. had to tell her not to cry becos crying will not lessen the pain, no use crying. well, she kind of like understood a little.

we were discussing, we should make a sign and hang it on mabel. sign will read, 'fragile. handle with care.'

if there is a god out there somewhere, if i've not been a good mum, take it out on me, dun do this to my children and hurt me so deep inside. damn.

so tired and monday blues

slept late on sunday nite, 3 am! and it's like i have to wake up at 530am. couldn't wake up in time, woke up at 550am. so now, zombie, well, have extra dosage of coffee to prep myself up. guess i'll try to sleep early tonite.

well, can't blame anyone for my predicament. only myself to blame. was enjoying the weekend and didn't do my work, hence got to slog late last nite. luckily, got some help from people to do this and that, otherwise think i'll have to forego my sleep.

fri nite, went singing. slept 3am. it was a good outlet for venting out all my frustration that has accumulated over the week.

sat nite, went music underground, slept very late. as usual, i'm one of those few 'older' people ard. music was good that nite. something happened that nite, shall not elaborate... for me, i dun heck care anymore, i'm me, i'll do watever i like, if people have a pre mindset on what i'll do and what i'll not do, that is their business, their thinking. i only need to answer to myself.

quote

love affectionately and passionately. Although it may hurt you, but it will make your life complete.

how true!!! yes, my nick in msn sometimes, luv hurts /loving someone is painful. that is becos i've loved passionately. no wonder it was painful, ouch!

took a test, this is my result.

highlighted the ones i like in bold.

This chakra is located in the center of your chest, near your heart. The fourth chakra represents higher emotions, such as love, tenderness, and compassion. In your case, this chakra appears to be clear and unblocked so that positive energy can flow from it freely. Radiating positive energy from your fourth chakra indicates that you've cultivated higher wisdom concerning the important life lessons associated with this energy center. You're apt to possess an emotional maturity and depth that allows you to empathize with others. Whether you're interacting with strangers or the people closest to you, your fourth chakra conveys the kind of true compassion that can set others at ease.

completely agrees!

cinderella project

well, report for last nite. managed to log out at 1125pm. but i was actually quite reluctant to say my goodbyes.

great, i was sleeping by 12 midnite.

second week of the year

today the straits times has the list of 15 uncontactable person, fully listed. it must have been very horrible to die like that

did the 1 minute silence yesterday. it was good to hear the silence on tv and radio. it was so solemn.

promise myself to be cinderella, that means i will punctually log out by 12 midnite. if can earlier, that would be better.

4am on a sat morn in sch

got to stay overnight today as there is a camp.

but it's a good time for me to finish my work for next week. this is really marathon working. not bad, had a 15 mins nap juz now, with music (91.3, upbeat songs to keep me awake) to accompany and knowing that actually i may not be the only one in the whole wide world staying up and trying to finish my things.

becos i want a fruitful weekend wif my family. but really work is never ending, still have the marking of worksheets to be done which i think i'll bring home. hmmm, work sux... never ending. i need to learn to draw a clear line between work and family. there is no personal life, no social life, no family life.

it's finally the end of the week!

wow, think i want to be a sleeping beauty on sunday, so tired!!!!! and that is from all the late nites of chatting. so for next week, will promise and restrain myself not to log in to msn and yahoo. already turned panda eyes already...

guess i have to give up something for the more important things in life, ie, spending time with my children. they are so cuteeeee, school is good for them. they are sleeping very early at nite, about 10 plus, they are tired and would want to sleep.

last nite, while playing 'crazy taxi' mabel was waiting for her turn to hold the remote control, she fell asleep, sitting down on the sofa.

myself... sigh... dunno wat to say... still staying afloat, haven't sink yet. feelings are confused these few days, contradicting feelings. think i need to unwind on sat nite. ;o)

1st day of school for M&M

this blog is for their yi yi, my sister. bet u dying to know wat happen after i stopped sms-ing u in the afternoon? ok, i'm going to try to recollect as much as i do, describe in as much detail as i can, so pls bear wif me if this blog is long and it spoils your eyes in reading it.

when i wen to fetch them, they were waiting at the void deck for me, all excited to go to sch. they look so cuteeee in their uniform. remembered someone advise me that dun push them away in sch if they crying, ease them into the sch. also if the parents are worried, the children can feel it too, so i try to be as excited as them too.

when we reached, we were quite early, so they sat there, lining according to their classes. but marcus went to line up wif mabel (one is K1, the other is nursery) i stood away from them. they juz sat there, watching people. anyway, when the teacher separated both of them, mabel then went to join the bro, sitting at his class there.

anyway, here comes the exciting part. marcus' class get to go first, so i sort of like hold his hand, then a teacher kind of like lead him in, so i let go of his hand and the classroom door closed. there is this little window for parents to peep inside. so mabel's turn, also the same thing, was holding on to her hand, then a teacher lead her in, i let go of the hand. classroom door closes. some parents actually took video cam.

so i thot everything is ok, then marcus' class door open and he came out. he saw me and started crying. cling on to me, refuse to let me go and refuse to go into the class. i had to prep talk him, remembered not to push him away. followed him into the class, ok, there are at least 3 others who are crying wif their mothers inside. so i stayed wif him inside for a very long time, at least 45 mins to 1 hour. he had his snack... after much coaxing, then wanted to go out again, knowing how stubborn he is.... i tried to keep cool. encouraged him to sit down, blah blah blah... (during this time, one or two parents tried to coax their child and they left the classroom) then the toys came out. so again after much coaxing, he played wif the toys. then i told him that mummy wants to go sh sh... will come back later, ask him to play wif his toys. he agreed... so i slipped out of the class.

went to check on mabel. peeped thru the little window. she was having snacks, drinking water and juz looking at her frens, very shy like that.

went to check on marcus, he is sitting on the floor, leaning against this helper. (every class has got some helpers) he should have cried juz now, but he seems cool down already, leaning against the helper and listening to the teacher telling a story. he was laughing, so he should be ok

went to see mabel, she didnt' sit on the floor like the rest of them, when a helper put her on a chair, she cried. but the helper was good, soothe her down, so thot everything was quite alright. sat down outside, juz in case

then mabel's classroom door open, she came out, crying. when she saw me, she cried even louder. so had to console her. she's inconsolable. cried very loud, and she keeps holding on to her tummy, think she got tummy ache, then finally, 'force' her to go toilet to sh sh... of course wif some coaxing. then i realise that she may be holding on to her urine, so very uncomfortable. after she sh sh, she is bette, but still very hesitant to join the class. finally, again, in the classroom, they brought out the toys, then again i use the same trick, mummy go sh sh hor, then found her a 'boy fren' to play the toys together wif her. slipped out again.

peeped into marcus' class before leaving. he has since eased into the class already. so excited about writing and keeps on running up to show the teacher his work.

later, i received sms from my husband to say that they seem alright, no more crying. when the teachers brought them to toilet, mabel was holding on to the hands of the 'boy fren' mummy introduced her to.. (haha) and marcus, he saw daddy, gave daddy a hug and the 1st one to run back into the classroom. so i think they should be ok.

well, for marcus, as we were discussing tmr's plan at home, he was like 'tmr go to sch'. ok, confirm sign that he wants to go to sch. mabel... she was quiet, a bit worried for her.

was so scared they dun like school after their crying today. got to slowly talked to them and cannot force them. when i see them cry this afternoon, it breaks my heart. it's like so bad like that, push them to study. really broke my heart. i myself feel like crying.

would luv to see them tmr at sch, but will be busy. so is fri.

finally

finally got a pc for the home, finally it's hooked up to max online, finally, i can use the proper msn and yahoo messenger. finally...

but it's quite addictive, it's already 9.40 already and i'm suppose to have started on it since i woke up at 7 pm...

Marcus and Mabel

they are so cuteeeee. hug them and kiss them....

they have been waiting for mummy to go and sleep recently, it's like they will come out from the bedroom and say, 'mummy... it's 12 o'clock already...' then they will come to the laptop i'm working on and linger ard, making me so kan cheong and guilty. maybe they are sent by their daddy.

they are starting school tmr. i'm very excited, it's like a next phase of life. dunno whether they would cry or not, dunno if they would refuse to put on their school uniform or not. as for school shoes (check this out, one is barney shoes, the other is minnie mouse shoes) and school bag, think they love it. they have been carrying the school bag ard at home these few days. (and they lose one document) dun worry, their school bag is very light....

so they are like now holding pencils, (glad they like their pencil box, check this out again, barney colour pencils with space for pencils and stuff) and they are like writing ABCs, and so diligent like that.

i must promise myself not to stress them out too much, like do homework lah, assessment books lah. oh yah, my dear sister, those assessment books that i bought like a few months back, i didn't even use it. it is their grandmother, our mother, that is more kiasu. buy assessment books for them and ask them to practise writing the letters.

but they were very enthusiastic abt it, writing a, b, then c. marcus had since written up to d, and it was like 12 something already, i had to ask him to keep and go to sleep, cos i want to sleep! but i dun want to kill their enthusiasm, so allow them to continue, while i slept.

and mabel can do this funny fake laughter... like... hmmm, stephen chow like that. wonder where she learn it from...

first day of school

well, some difficulty getting up so early in the morning. nvm, a cup of coffee will do the trick.

things were fine in school, students were especially chatty. understood. and hor, u all make me very pai seh leh, it's juz a new hairstlyle...new year, new me, new hairstyle, new face, new feelings, new friends, can?

very busy day, dun even have time to go toilet. full timetable on monday wif only half an hour break in between. manage to grab some biscuits along the way.

i miss the holidays! esp so since these two morning are so nice to tug in bed with your loved ones and sleep.

today's timetable... hmmm let me see, not too fantastic either, but better than yesterday.

Singaporeans are really a helpful lot.

the sky has been raining these few days... nice weather

maxonline not working in the bedroom with my new pc, got to wait until tuesday for the people to come and check the signal. damn!

it's almost 3 hours into the new year

well, not on purpose, but thot it's quite fun to pen down my thoughts in the last 3 hours of 2004 and the first 3 hours of 2005.

well, can't believe i'm sitting here for almost six hours! that's not very healthy. that's why after this blog, i'm going to sleep.

was watching NGC on SCV, about earthquake and a fire that happened in a train up in the mountains in Sweden. all about disasters, quite sad huh...

mabel is so cute juz now, she insisted on waiting for me, then she was like so sleepy, she almost fell asleep on the sofa. went to carry her and brought her into the room, going to sleep with her tonite, so sweet of her. feel so bad, couldn't pat her to sleep, even though she may not need it.