2 days mc

after pulau ubin, i was ill. for 2 days, mc 2 days, sore throat, cough and flu.... today i had a bit of fever, but subside already

so lousy, just 3D2N camp and i fell ill...

back from ubin

ok, i'm back from ubin... the 3D2N huh... well, i didn't really get to go down to the beach, too dark, the stars, not too many, but they were bright though.... but i did mark my papers under the stars, i only went in to sleep becos there were juz too many centipedes and a big bug that looks like small cockroach that was lingering ard my feet, that was the bug that got me to sleep in the 1st nite.

the next day, had to follow the campers out while trekking... the weather is very hot.... and have to keep on moving, cannot stop moving, once u stop moving, u see a few mosquitoes, at least 8 or 9 of them hovering ard your legs. luckily i wore slacks... plus lots of insect repellent.

2nd nite, couldn't mark, too exhausted.

glad to be back on mainland...noticed a lot of tourists and foreigners at pulau ubin... got a few mosquito bites, some rash on my leg... plus sore throat, cough and flu.... and lots of undone work.

character analysis

juz did some stupid character analysis test.... how true.. let me give u the analysis of my character:

strong will, not dependent on others, gave the impression of lone-ranger

curious, sensual

at 1st glance, difficult to get along, but when others begin to talk to you, they find that you are easy going. when the relationship develops, they find u affable.

androgynous charm - popular with all genders

i dun like the dark side to be seen
i may look cool on the surface, but beneath, i'm really passionate.
only people who know my true self - long-lasting relationship

pulau ubin

will be at pulau ubin this weekend. well, perhaps it will be a good break from being in sg... feels like going overseas, well, urmmmmmm, at least i get to cross the sea.... i hope the nature there will do wonders to me... maybe perk me up. will remind myself to look at the stars, to enjoy the breeze, to listen to the sea at night, to soak up the smell of equatorial rainforest.

i won't be forgetting that i have tons of papers to mark... but i really hope that Mother Nature can relax me.

oh yah before i forget, on 28/08, himer should be ard 16-17 weeks. and himer should look like this:

i hate work

watever i say is work related....

i hate work....! oh god..... pls, i understand there is deadline, but with everyone having deadline for everyone... ????

and if we rush out the project this year, next year they believe that we can do the same for them. and the problem is, if you don't do it.. that goes to show that u r defiant, u r not cooperative, if other teachers can do it, why can't u? u are not doing your best... i hate this... and some teachers are willing to stay back on saturday until 7pm??!!??? omg, where is family time???!!!??? i know some may not have a family, but der, i have one... and my children are starting to complain that why i'm always working at home...........

i'll juz do wat i can, dun expect the best from me, u want things done, i will do, but bare minimum. life goes on, look forward....

my strengths

did this strengthquest thingy... here are my five top signature themes....

1) adaptability: something like live for the moment, i know wat the future holds, but i know that my actions now will determine my future and i'm adaptable to things, circumstances

2) empathy: i'm able to listen and understand and empathise with people

3) Connectedness: i understand this connectedness among people, and becos of this, i am careful of my own action, as i know that my action will affect the people around me.

4) Restorative: problems. i am able to solve problems, analyse problems. i got the kick of solving problems

5) Self assurance: i can seek the advice and opinions of others but i form my own conclusions and i know what i have to do. something like self-confidence.

hmmm, only sure of the connectedness and self assurance which is so true of me... as for adaptability being the top one... i guess it sort of connects to connectedness. becos i know that whatever i do may affect the people ard me, i tend to be more adaptable or open to possibilities. Well, i dun think that this is being soft, being geminis, i guess we tend to care more for other people. as for the problem solving one, i guess i perform best when problem arises... cos it's only problems that push us to complete our things, right? if everything is so smooth sailing, then there is no thrill in life. i guess i work best when things go wrong, when things are right, maybe people tend to be more complacent.

i'm really haunted

really haunted and affected by this, esp since this morning. so I guess i have never done much for bb, guess this is the best i can do for him/her. he/she would have been this big:


14/15 weeks

it was this big on 28th June:



let me do a proper one for him/her (himer)

IN LOVING MEMORY OF HIMER

10th May 2005 -

28th June 2005

luv is really a painful thing. not sure if painful this word is justifiable to the emotions, the feelings of luv people go thru.

oh yah, the show 'must luv dogs' uses the word excruciating pain, yah, that's the word, it crashes your heart. yah, perhaps, my pain cannot be compared to some, but i want u to know that i dun have the best of both worlds. either world i choose, all are equally painful decision.

vexed

having a terrible headache now, dunno if it's becos of not enuf coffee or from too much thinking...

i'm really very vexed, wish that sometimes, problems could be solved easily... straight cut, 123...

it really doesn't matter... now, in future or watever... things will be the same. becos it seems that to u, i'm forever running and hiding. or maybe i've really fk my own life

wat can i say?

honestly, wat can i say? becos i dun feel like saying anything. thing has happened, it's over, i've reflected, i've post mortem, i've come to a conclusion, i'll juz keep my mouth shut. that's me, that's my character, take it or leave it....

this is not running away from reality. it's best to depend on yourself. that's my philosophy.

i got myself into this shit, i'll handle and clean up the shit myself. even if i choose to sit on the shit, there is nothing anybody can do.... that's my attitude, bleah *tongue sticking out*

the Rose

there is this song The Rose. it was re-sung by Jolin... but i still prefer the old version.....

esp like the 1st few lines of the song....

some say love, it is a river, that drowns the growing reeds
some say love, it is a razor, that bleeds your heart.....

hmm, wonder if anyone has the mp3 and lyrics of this song?

last nite, 4 hours plus of singing, great.... (but in the heart.... bled.... some songs almost make me cry.... yah, tong hua again.....) anyway, last nite also retro nite, singing all the songs that were popular when we were schooling, we had a good laugh, laughing at the mtv of those 80s songs.... the cuckoo hairstyle, the fashion, the make up.

tagboard

after some time, decided to sign up for another tag board again.

after reality sinks in posting... i juz felt that it's better to live my own life, peaceful... save the trouble.... anyway, i shall not say much.... juz leave comments in my tag board.

Marcus' B-day

i think marcus really enjoyed his b-day. we celebrated on the 7th, as some relatives could not make it on the 8th. it's juz some simple dinner, buffet style at home. Marcus was like saying happy birthday to everyone who came... and of course, he's very excited with the news toys that he has.

could see that he was very tired, but he didn't want to sleep, he wanted to open his presents and play wif all his toys. jigsaw, remote control cars to name a few. but anyway, i had to chase him to sleep at 11 plus that nite becos he's really very tired.... and the next day, he has to go to school.

so fast, he's 5 yrs old. on 8th august 2000, i can still remember. it's still so fresh on my mind. guess these things, u will not forget. i was lying on the bed... listening to his heartbeat, watching the tv, which is juz PM giving his speech. then at 11 plus at nite, decide to c-section... i could remember, the next day being national day, a lot of my relatives came to see me, but i was so tired and couldn't sit up on bed to see them. i remembered i missed watching the national day parade that year.

well, my wishes for him.... grow up to be a fine young man, one who is kind to others, not scheming and yet able to fight and survive. as for love, choose wisely and the true love will come along, watever may turn out in your love life, do not worry, u always have your family members to count on. I LOVE U, MARCUS!

Reality

yes, reality sucks.... and it will start to sink in slowly and when it sinks in... gosh, it's like a thousand knives stabbing you. No, you won't ask for the truth, you won't want to know the truth becos this will only add on to the pain.

i guess... i will still have to go on, no point to find out the truth. Happiness is in your own hands, no, not even your partner can bring that to you, to be happy for 24 hours a day, u need to depend on yourself. Yes, friends bring you relief from loneliness, partners bring you joy, children bring you joy but at the end of the day, when you are sleeping on your bed, who do you have? you and that bolster you are hugging, not your spouse, not your friends, not your relatives.

so how many nights have you cried? only the bolster knows. the bolster also doesn't tell anybody your secrets... you can cry and tell, your bolster will be there to 'absorb' (literally) all your tears and secrets.

i will not go back to make a brand new start, but if given the choice, i would remain single all my life. i can only look forward and start planning my brand new ending.

post mortem

sorry, i'm post morteming.... i juz feel that human esp men are hypocrites. sorry, i know this is a sweeping statement.... people are going to sms me and tell me, so are woman... or woman are too emotional..... so difficult to understand them... maybe that's why men are from Mars, woman from vEnus

thanks

thank all for the sms and concern....

what a day

juz want to say, what a day....i know everyone has such days also... it's juz that ...i wish i have more hours a day to do my stuff.... so many things so little time...
have been a jerk, blowing off my temper, temper been short, hurting people ard me with my temper.
even as i blog now, no mood for complete sentences.....

My prayer to Him:
pls, (close my eyes and pray) let all these be over soon. i dun care anymore if You want to turn me into a better person through all these turbulations or wat... as such, life in the modern world is SO....... we go to Your Sanctuary every Sunday to seek solace, but alas, wat do we see? hypocritical people running the show, running Your place or hypocritical people sitting ard us (not to mention that i am as guilty as the hypocritical people)
You have shown me what is love, true love. You have shown me what is bitterness, what is pain. Then now, why all these that i have to go through again? In Jesus' name, amen.