4E4 '05

juz want to say, i really appreciate your kindness and thoughts and a big thank you! u make my day.

i really hope that all i've said make sense to you. i know some of you have already realised it and are trying very hard. maybe i shouldn't be distracted by those who still wants to irritate teachers.

watever it is, you'll always be my little darlings/children *goosebumps*

children

had a good time wif them yesterday. played snap, guessing game wif them. felt that young children, although young, cannot lose, also want to cheat. mabel has been losing in the snap, basically she is not as agile as her brother, so there was once when the brother snap, she retrieve back her card and say, 'not the same, so cannot snap.' u can imagine marcus' frustration. and both are as stubborn as me. always having little tiff wif one another.

i know mabel likes to provoke marcus by touching his things and stuff like that, then marcus will shout at mabel. there was once i caught marcus shouting, i asked him, 'why are u so angry?' then he came running to me and said in between sobs, 'i dun like mabel.' well, even tho i dun like him to shout, but at least i felt that he's letting his anger out, no good to keep it inside and let it grow into hatred.

and both of them are such night creatures. so sleepy in the day and lethargic, but come nite time, so difficult to make them sleep. last nite, juz before sleeping, still reading books and having some phonics training. and they actually have a song, 'what is the sound of the letter a? air air air.' and yes, they sang all the way from a-z and it's like almost close to midnite already.

mabel is funny. she always blinks her eyes, look so innocent to get something. and when u scold her or raise a little of your voice or juz stare at her with those fierce eyes, tears will well up in her eyes, and she will start crying. melts my heart everytime she does this.

marcus makes his grandma buy him thomas the train already. i tell you, his assets, (cars + trains) easily add up to 50 plus. i always say, he should arrange his cars in rows and we can start counting how many cars + trains he has. yesterday he bought 'toby' and 'diesel' that's 2 more addition to his trains and cars. and the funny thing is, he's not tired of the cars and trains. he can play wif them for hours.

it's friday

today is more light hearted. i dunno why. maybe it's the end of the week, maybe storm is over, maybe exams are coming.

anyway, juz want to say... things in my blog may sound horrible, but dun worry, i'm ok. becos basically after i vent out my frustrations in my blog, i'll be ok. so watever u read from my blog, juz take it with a pinch of salt.

so fast

it's already thursday, tons of things to do, sianzzzzzzzzzzz

well, guess that is life. this is the path we choose. i'm really loss for words.

i didn't sell my life

juz want to say something to people who are employer and employee

to the employer:
dun think that we are always expected to give that extra juz becos we take your filthy salary. We didn't sign in our letter of appointment that we sell our life to u. never mind if you dun take care of our welfare... give us back our life!!!!

to the employee:
work is never ending. juz do your best and meet the deadline. watever we do, our boss already has an impression of our abilities already. and watever they do is correct and they always have reasons to justify their actions, their decisions.

a week has past

well, not been blogging, cos i was pissed off this week, not only by my form class (some of them) also about other matters. so better not blog, otherwise all the vulgarities will come out and den people will tell me, 'wow, your blog very vulgar leh, no good, other people, esp students will read.' foff, i really dun give a damn. if u can't read it, den dun read it. everyone is entitled to some form of free speech.

as can be seen from here, i'm quite piss now as i'm blogging.

ok, 1st, speech day is finally over, can heave a sigh of relief.
2nd, marcus has been coughing very badly, so bad that he needs the inhaler so that he can inahle the medicine. cough non stop during the night. only rest for 10 mins or so, i can't sleep. kept getting up to look at him. that was on tues nite.
so on wed and thurs nite, both my children were actually at my mil's place. well, since she volunteered and forcefully take on the role of caregiver, so we should not dampen the spirit. but it was very weird, coming back to a house, so quiet, so empty. miss their noise, their voice, their quarrel.
3rd, i will not blog about friends and students. i'm still sore... i dun want to hurt anyone wif the harsh words i say.

juz something before i go.
to friends
everyone has their own personality, if i never force u to conform to my personality, then dun force me to do things u want me to do. u can only hope. if i dun respect u as a fren, go ask my students, how i treat those whom i've totally lost hope or lose respect. no mercy wif my words if i dun respect u as a fren. i care for u as a fren that's why i choose not to hurt u wif the things i say.

to students
i've said all i want, i've even shared motivational things wif u, give u scenarios to make u see the big picture better. but all has failed. some of u are juz plain stubborn. i hate stubborn, if it's my children, he would have gotten whacked by me. i may be kind, i may not be fierce, but please dun take my kindness for granted. i will not show mercy if i dun give u face.

clubbing

went clubbing on fri nite. newsroom bar first, from 10 plus to 1 plus. songs are great esp after midnite. but lots of frens are tired and needed to go back home to rest. i was a little crazy, not club enuf, it's like not shiok like that, so dropped off at hotel phoenix, Music Underground. well, standing outside, waiting to go in, i can hear the music playing inside, wow, all my fav songs. but frens want to go devils' bar and is picking me up. so i waited outside.

then hor, got 2 big groups of people, shouting at each other very loudly. some want to help to settle things, the 2 big groups of people is like 10 over people. i quickly shift myself and waited for my frens by the roadside, safer.

but i think they didn't fight lah.

anyway, went to devils bar, reached there about 2 plus. i'm surprised that there is still a queue to go inside.

oh yah, before we went in, was looking for a place to park the car. we saw one empty space, but on driving further, we saw this man lying on the floor, on the empty parking space. he is dead drunk! his car door is open, and he juz lies down there sleeping, so dead drunk! don't dare to help him, i also dunno if his things were taken by people or not. so poor thing, so dead drunk and lying there all by himself. if this is other countries, his car would have disappeared too.

ok, when we went in, after a couple of drinks, hit the dance floor. we danced until about 4am or plus. oh yah, in devil's bar, almost have 2 fights inside also. (on seperate occasions) bouncer reaction very fast, separated the two groups. this was the 1st time after so many years, that i saw 3 fights almost happening. and plus that weird man... it was an eye opener for me that nite. makes me think also, how come newsroom bar does not have such problems. hmm, cos the crowd there is older, cos the place is much bigger, so we dun intrude into each other's place? dunno

anyway, left at 4 plus, surprise that there is still a queue outside devils bar. btw, devils bar closes at 6am. but i old liao, couldn't party until 6am.

all things turn out well anyway.

updates on wheatgrass

i have 3 trays of wheatgrass that i planted. been watering it and observing it every day. well, the 3rd pot has about 4/5 wheatgrass growing. the rest, still can see the seeds, still waiting.

can u imagine my happiness when i saw that 4/5 wheatgrass???? hard work in planting them. will wait patiently for the rest of the wheatgrass to grow.

laptop

it's either my laptop or blogger... dun u get frustrated when all that u blog disappears, then u dun have the inspiration to blog anymore. that explains why i have not been updating my blog.

ok, first the laptop.

on fri morn, when i turn on my laptop, i saw the desktop theme was windows classic, i always had it on windows xp. so changed the desktop them back to windows xp. then when i opened 'my documents' to start working, to my horror, all my doucments were all gone. all my four years of preparation, admin stuff, exam papers, all gone!

panic. cool myself down to call the IT technician. he said he'll come down asap, about 15 mins time.
well, the 15 mins is eternity, i was like no use crying, i really felt like crying when i think of all the documents gone. hated myself for not backing up my data. tried to mark some papers, but it was like totally blank. but i tried to mark to keep my mind off the laptop. my colleagues were like, 'wow, u are so cool! your whole documents wipe out, and u still can mark." in my heart, i was thinking, no use getting angry, if it's a fact that it's wiped out, it's wiped out, if it's not, then it's somewhere in there, it's juz that i dunno the path where all these files are.

when the IT technician came, i was like heave a sign of relief. he quickly found back all my documents and teach me next time where to find them if the same thing happens again. he also helped me back up my data in another storage place.

lessons learnt in the 1/2 hour:

1) always back up your data. dun wait, one of these days... one of these days, your laptop will wipe out everything.

2) really no use fretting over things. the main thing is to get things solved. the waiting part can be suffering, but cannot sit and wait... even though i couldn't solve my own problems, but no use getting upset over it, juz move on. guess in life also like that, no use getting angry over it, juz move on and solve the problem

3) technology cannot be trusted 100%

there were more lessons i blogged on fri, but now i could not remember already. nvm, wtf

What keeps me going on?

was thinking... what is it that keeps me going on?

1) money: probably, as i've said in my earliest post.
2) children: i think, bulk of me going on and pushing myself further is none other than M&M. sometimes i feel so guilty of not spending enough time wif them.

there was once, i was doing my work in my room, typing. then marcus was pushing this shopping trolley thing, and like driving it like that. as the trolley was a bit noisy, so as he was pushing it into the master bedroom, i juz call him, "marcus!". then so funny, the next thing i knew, he juz pop his head in and said, "Hmmm, yes? mummy?" my heart melted at that time. i actually wanted to scold him, but seeing he is so cute, i soften and juz ask him not to push the trolley anymore as it was so noisy.

there was also once, i was so hungry, was eating cup noodle, they had their milk already, so by right, they shouldn't be having any supper. afraid they are too full. but when marcus saw me with the cup noodle, he juz follows me. when we tell him, 'no marcus, u juz had your milk.' immediately his face changes, so sad face. i was so soft, melted when i see his disappointed face. then when i told him, 'ok, we'll go and see if we can find biscuit.' his face was so happy. immediately lighted up.

as for mabel, she was like so demure, so like to cry. u wouldn't bear to make her cry, so u tend to be more gentle wif her.

they are at a very talkative stage now. they will tell u anything, everything. really literally got to stop my work and devote my time to listen to them. so for them, i'll push on and when i'm down at work, i'll think of them.

marcus is so spongebob

marcus has been watching the spongebob squarepants lately, over and over again. he's scared of shark tales, funny... he dun like the sharks.

then now i realise he keeps singing that 'goofy goober' (if that' s how it's spelt) song. so spongebob.

finally plant my wheat grass

today i finally plant my wheat grass, but the whole process takes time. need to soak the seeds, etc then after placing the seeds, need to cover with newspaper for two 2 days. well, after 2 days let's see how it turns out to be.

find that gardening gives people a somewhat calming effect.

a week is over

so fast, one week juz passes by like that. already 1/4 of the year has already gone by. what can is say?

feeling very heart pain now, dunno why, dunno wat to say.

juz want to say that works sux, but the money is good, for the sake of money, i'll perservere (s***, think i got the spelling wrong) on