Well, it's the last day of 2007. Tomorrow will be the new year... 365 days juz gone like that.... At 12 midnight, all will be shouting happy new year... the day will still be the same, the sun will still rise from the east. What makes today so special besides that it's the last day of the year? I guess, being the last day, people will look back in 2007 and think about their achievements and challenges.

there is a reason for saying happy new year. nobody wants a sad new year. so here's wishing all a happy new year.

someone commented that i've not updated my blog as frequently as ever... well, to that comment, yes, it's true.... why? i also dunno. maybe i do not have the time, maybe i do not have the inspiration.

so for this post, what should i say? that day, someone asked me how was the festive season, i juz replied as usual. nothing much to be merry about. the person said that i sounded moody or sounded depressed.

strange thing is, i'm neither happy nor depressed. yes, no doubt, when the festive season is here, i can be merry and 'entertain' family members and looks like i have enjoyed the gathering, but in fact, deep down i know, it's all superficial. then why am i there? becos of my children. bring them there to enjoy the festivity, the mood and of course, the presents. They only wanted to see my children, not me. my mood has been neutral. nothing excites me, nothing depresses me. i just feel that i'm transient in this world, in this life. my soul no longer belongs to the world. i'm a living dead.

ok, the above sounds extreme, i just feel that life is transitory. things in life are bound to change, pass and come to an end. people said to live life to the fullest. i think the problem is, the more you are enjoying your life (living life to the fullest), the more you indulge in your life, the more reluctant you will be to go. yup, i guess that is life to me now.

back to my children, well, they are happy, especially with their new xmas presents. now they have their own email addresses and are chatting with my sister, with me sometimes or with my cousin or with their grandma. well, they learn. so cyberwellness is what i have to teach them now. There are 2 schools of thoughts in letting your children have their own email address or letting them chat. some feels that it's ok to let them chat, some feels that chatting online for young children is no no... well, there has got to be a balance. letting them chat, well, plus point, they learn all the time, especially with spelling new words. the other school of thought is not wrong, given the dangers of cyberspace now, well, as i said, there has got to be a balance. i always believe the more you stop them, the more they are curious and want to try out. i'm not saying that i will let them chat freely online, i still impose a curfew and i check their friends. anyway, all their friends now are family members. so balance.

Max, well, he's growing up well and fine. very naughty and cheeky. and clever at times. cannot tahan him.

tml, family meeting, then big decision. am i ready for it? i will try. as i said before, i believe, everything happen for a reason. things are starting to fall into place, i see now why things happened the way it was.

Mabel went over to my mum's place to stay on friday night and i went to fetch her back on monday morning. She followed my mum to a wedding dinner on sunday nite, that's why this arrangement.

on sunday night, marcus was playing on the computer when suddenly he turned around and cried. i asked him what happened, after much coaxing, he told me he missed mabel and wants mabel to come home. My first reaction was, to hug him and assure him that i'll be fetching mabel the next day.

i juz hugged him and cried together with him. He's so cute. no doubt, sometimes, he bullies his sister, but deep down, he needs her. it is very heartwarming to know that he actually misses his sister.

hmmm, where do i begin? it's really not an easy task to be a care giver of a disabled person. I just learnt that there are some things in life that we take for granted and only when you are caring for someone disabled or being one yourself, then you realise it.

take for example, we all take for granted how fortunate we are to have two legs. imagine if you have only one leg, a simple task like wearing your pants, you need someone to help you. While we have two legs, it's easy for us to balance ourselves in a slippery toilet, but minus one leg, you will notice how important it is that the toilet must be extra dry.

well, everyday is a learning process. there is a mistake, we learn from the mistake. we improvise our home to accomodate people.

Been busy and tired recently, getting the room and the house ready for my mother in law (mil).
After she is discharged from the hospital, she will be staying with us. If possible, and if my fil manages to get a change, he too, maybe coming over to stay with us.
So all the shopping to get the room cosy and wheelchair friendly for her, new bed, new wardrobe, new bedside table, new lamp.
The toilet also need some railings and non-slip mats. Been running to shops to find out the best prices for commade, walking frame and wheelchair. Quite a lot of learning points for me.
Then went to hospital for care-giver training also. Short training but essential so that we can better look after.

As I’ve always tell the family and my mil, what is over is over. What is most important is to look forward to the future. This will be a trying period for all of us. Not only my mil has to cope with the feeling and getting used of just one leg, we all have to make adjustments to our lives somehow. Not only do we have to cope with one another habits and ways, we have to stay together to help her overcome the fact that she has already lose her leg.

My maid asked me today if I was sick because she says my face looks pale. Told her I was just feeling tired. (physically and emotionally) looks like it’s already taking a toll on me. But my belief is there will be a better tomorrow.

ok, let's talk about facebook... for those who are on facebook will know what i'm talking about.

Well, it's something like friendster, but something more. you get to add all these applications. at first, i was happily adding application, haiku zoo, vampire, etc etc. But i realise that i'm spending so much time on facebook that i've stopped adding application. i also started to reject my friend's invitation to add this application and that..... sorry, friends.

now, let me disect why these applications are so addictive. Take superpoke for example, they will show you, superpoke how many more friends, then you'll get new actions. at first, the numbers are small, about 5 more friends, or 10 more friends. as you unlock new actions, now my current state is i must superpoke 125 more friends before new actions are unlocked for me! so you see how addictive this is. so now, i'm not really hard up for the new actions.... as and when i feel like it, i'll superpoke some friends.

next, the vampire, werewolf, zombie and slayer application. now that i'm in, i think it's wasted to give up now. I've started to accumulate points and fighting points, so hard to work up the ladder you know. So again, you see how addictive it is... and if you 'bite' your friends, you turn them into vampire or etc, your army is supposedly to be stronger. and if your army bites anybody, you also get points. (sounds like MLM) anyway, i've stopped turning people into vampires and stuff.

and through this application, i also learnt something. it's like you need to fight others to earn points so that you can be promoted to the next level. i remembered, when i initially started when i had little points, everytime i fight with someone, i lose. so i have to pick on someone who is weaker than me, in order to win. So this is such a true reflection of real life! the weaker ones get bullied.

so after about 2-3 weeks of facebook, i've learnt things.

Let’s see….

Petrol prices
Wah, petrol prices are going up by another 5 cents again. Darn, life is hard. Any increase in salary is shaved off very quickly or worse still, you end up poorer than before.

My mum was telling me, 7 years ago, in 2000, diesel (ha, I don’t know how to spell diesel, I actually had to look up the dictionary, thought there is an ‘a’ in the word) anyway, diesel prices were only 55 cents…. In a span of 7 years, it’s now like $1.50 or something like that, 200% increase!!! Our salary only increase by 7 or 8%...

Sometimes, pity those who drive for a living, like taxi drivers, drivers in transportation… cost darn a lot on transport. Again all earnings are shaved off.

Do you notice that some cars, if not most, especially taxi drivers are driving slower than usual. Now everybody, oops, I mean some drive at optimal driving speed. Sometimes, there are no cars in the 1st lane. Hmmm, traffic police got no business. Well, come to think of it, there was a reason why our speed limit is 90km/h. I also noticed some WRX, Impreza driving slowly. Well of course, there are still a few cars who are driving recklessly.

Obeying traffic rules
Well, there must be a reason for traffic rules, and logically, everybody should follow. If only those who are in the right of way teach those who are not obeying traffic rules a lesson. You cannot give way to them, thinking that one matter less is better. This will boost their f88k888 ego especially P plate driver and then they think that they can get away with it. Anyway, some things I learn:
1) Nothing is fair in this world. You obey the traffic rules, you are a stupid fool. Serves you right for not cutting in front.
This morning’s experience just prove this. So many cars who were in the left turn only lane turn right. And those cars who are in the right turn lane actually gave way to them, no wonder those who were behind, find the line moving so slowly. Hmm, I shall go find LTA website and tip the traffic police on this. Yes, I shall do this after I blog.

Men in Singapore
Sometimes it’s pathetic, some men in Singapore are not gentlemen. This goes back to my point above too, people are selfish, they only think about themselves. Ok, let’s just focus on un-gentleman. Again, I repeat, not all men are like that.

Some Singaporean men should learn from the foreigners, although they do not know you, they will hold the door for you, they will let the ladies exit the lift, etc first. Ok, let me dissect (in my own opinions) why some Singaporean men are un-gentleman. They probably have a good career, they are working very hard to keep their position, so sometimes when they are outside, they are preoccupied with thinking about how to maintain their position or arrow another colleague, hence they are unaware of their surroundings.

Number 2, they are probably thinking of that night club hostess or the china lady who was with them the previous night. Or they could even be thinking how to bed some particular women. Or they could be comparing the young, sexy lady who was with them last night and comparing them to their wives…. So that’s why they are unaware of their surroundings.

Number 3, they are plain selfish, only think about themselves, their world is nothing but I, me and my so it’s natural that people should give way to them including ladies.

Still not used to my new blog template… can you believe it, Microsoft word underline the word blog in red, that means I spelt wrongly…. Hmmm, the dictionary never update.

My Chinese horoscope:

Follow your intuition: it won't let you down this time. Try to leave your professional concerns on the doormat of your home. If you decide to embellish your lodgings, try to do the most yourself: This will relax you and your finances will remain in good shape. (untrue, untrue, untrue!) You'll be very much concerned about your parents. Refrain from criticizing others. You must cover yourself better for germs of all kinds are besieging you. (true)

Anyway, take everything with a pinch of salt.

ok, decided to use this new template. a new change perhaps. at least, manage to salvage my tagboard. this rss feed thingy, well, at least now i've learnt more about it....

darn, change the template... now all gone... just because i'm fiddling with rss feed in blogger
ok, i'll try again

http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1682534,00.html?xid=rss-topstories

not that i'm particularly interested in world affairs, but then... juz feel that peace is important. and politics are just so (sigh) dark.

Max is so cute, he's sitting right in front of me now as i'm typing this entry. he is inquisitive and a joy to have. sometimes i feel that i love him more than marcus and mabel, and i have to consciously tell myself to be fair to all three.

at this time of the year, got to give thanks. with so many new challenges now and with rising prices, not easy to give thanks in this coming festive season.

www.thanksgivingmovie.com

after watching this, i gained some peace. from thanksgiving, we find the joy and then the peace. finding peace is very important to me now.

Oil prices are very high now. this has pushed up many other costs. Even if flour has not increased, it would eventually, becos transportation cost has increased.

the future looks bleak. life is hard for many people now.

I’m drafting this blog in a meeting, that is how busy life has become.

workwise, who says it’s the holidays for teachers? There are many things to be done. Appraisal, areas for improvement, action plans for 2008, budget for 2008, stock taking, clearing of my table, preparation for open house and planning for next year lessons. Now, meetings almost everyday for appraisal. After appraisal, many things should be able to move faster. a lot of small little meetings with committee and departments. Yup, that’s work, plenty of work to be done, but so little time to complete them.

family wise, crazy with all the illness going on last week. Thought all was well. then on tues, max had the stomach flu again, he lao sai a lot of times, brought him to see a doc on thurs. Actually on thurs itself, mabel and I got a little of upset stomach as well. Quickly gave her medicine the medicine to stop it from worserning. see the doc see until i scare. for this two weeks, i spent a few hundred dollars on seeing doc.

Poor max, shrunk so much esp after his lao sai days. The 2 days when he was so sick, so poor thing. He shook his head to everything, very cranky. Luckily on fri when he was feeling better, he started eating with a vengeance. He has a hearty appetite now and he is back to his cheeky ways, interactive, fun to play with and of course, happier.

then my mil still in hospital... it is actually very straining physically, mentally and financially. I wonder how long I can endure. Just grit my teeth to face the challenges everyday. When she is discharged from the hospital, there would be another new set of challenges to be met. She would definitely come to stay with us for the holidays. We are now getting the house more ready for her. Things like shifting the toys to the children’s room so that she can have the room downstairs. The maid will also have to bunk in with her. Getting ready a walking frame and a wheelchair. Getting ready the bathroom, things like handles at the side of the toilet bowls. Need to get a bed frame for her too. So all these things need to look into and get it done.

On a more personal note, concerts!!! Amei is staging her concert this coming thurs, too late for booking of tickets now and plus no kaki to go with. Jacky cheung and jay chou is coming in Jan!!! maybe I should start saving money.

As for myself, the shrink (which is moi, myself) diagnosed me to be allergic to people, especially friends and distant relatives. Symptom of allergy: irritable with interacting with people. Effect of allergy: in the long run, will develop cynicism and pragmatism towards interacting with people. Cure for allergy: stay away from people or simply just stop interacting with people for the time being. This is to prevent cynicism from developing. Only stop medication when symptom disappears.

Been a crazy week….

After mabel got well on Monday, it was my turn to fall sick… had a fever on mon night. Then on tues night, marcus got sick. On wed afternoon, max got sick. So in the afternoon, brought the two boys to see a doc. It has been (pardon my language) hell of a week. Not been sleeping well, got to check their temperature in the night and if it’s too high, administer medicine. Guess that explains my irritable mood this week. Really drag myself to wake up in the morning, not that I dun want to come to school, but I wish I had a little more sleep. Yeah, now I can understand why people with not enough sleep has such foul mood.

Today, as I was driving to school, heard an old song on the radio. A song that was shared when we were dating. Yup, that was in 2001, when we had not even got our punggol flat and was ‘squatting’ at my uncle’s place. Today as I heard this song again, the feelings juz overwhelmed me. I thought that songs will not make me cry again, but today this song prove me wrong. Ok, maybe I was feeling a little frustrated with handling all the sick people, so this song juz triggered off my emotions.

Ok, time to update.

1) mother in law – hmm, her right foot is bad. Today operation, if cannot be saved, then her foot may be amputated. Many implication… a challenge, but if the family can stand together, it should be overcome.

2) mabel – she has been having fever since Sunday. Brought her to doc, gastric flu… I think she pass me some of her virus, cos now my gastric is also not feeling good and after eating, feel like vomiting.

3) Max – well, he’s fine. I’m just amazed by his ability to learn things. Now he enjoys watching advertisement, certain advertisements, and he will imitate some of the actions. Like the action of eating in KFC, the ‘ahhhhh’ in ricola advert, the brushing of teeth, the dancing in drypers advert. When you take a tissue to clean your mouth, he wants to do the same. When you carry a plastic bag, he wants to carry too, although it’s too big and hampers his walking. He is also quite independent, he doesn’t like to hold your hand when walking, he can walk himself. Except when it comes to moving up or down a step, he knows he needs help, he will hold your hand.

Just read something interesting and enlightening:

Why do I feel so much pain in letting go of the things that are causing me misery?

Hmm, was thinking of summarizing it, but then if I summarize it, the article would have lost its essence. You have to read it yourself if you really want to know. www.osho.com

Why do I find this enlightening? Because there were times when I felt immense pain in letting go of things, letting go of love. Of course, I’ve looked beyond all these already. Osho says, ‘You want to drop misery so that you can be happy – that is an absolutely wrong approach. You will have to drop both.’ Haha, cheem… I guess when we can say that we are free from the misery, in another words, if the things come back to you again, you will also not feel happy. Got it? Yes, I do, I realize that looking beyond things, attaining a choiceless realm, attaining an emotionless realm brings me to a greater sense of peace. And when I have this greater sense of peace, I am happier.

It is the same as playing stocks. Osho says, ‘you will have to see that there are investments in your misery. If you want those investments, you will have to learn to live with the misery, if you want to drop te misery, you will have to drop those investments too.’ It is the same as misery, I know of one lady in friendster, she has such a complicated relationship, now I know why she is holding on to her misery, because there is hope in her misery, so she is clinging on to her hope to her misery. Well, I’ve advised her enough but if she chooses to continue to cling on to her hope, maybe that is what is motivating her to live, well then, it’s her choice. I’ve stopped advising her. Asking her to read Osho’s article may only affirmed her actions.

Ok, so much said. I’m feeling drowsy from all the ‘enlightenment’. Need to rest and meditate.

Just when I thought that blogger is ok again, it did it again… wiped out my posting I just posted. Darn it.

Anyway, I was saying, thanks for all the encouragement and support. My colleagues said that I could be suffering from burnout. Yeah, a burnout…. Just like the game burnout dominator. When u finish the supercharge, u get a burn out. Then u need to charge up the super charge again.

So now I think I need a super super super charge

Black Thursday

I do not know why but I’m getting impatient and angry over the slightest things. Slightest things that friends, colleagues, children or students say. Sometimes it’s like it’s not even targeting at me, it’s like they are talking so loudly lor, then I overheard what they say, then I get impatient with them. So many times, I restrain myself from rebutting back. (self discipline)

Anyway, just feel so disappointed with students’ prelim results. I do not know what has gone wrong, me? My teaching? Or them? Arghhhh, i’m getting that kind of spiral feeling again… just spiraling down without control.

When I read from worldvision.com, how other children do not even have a chance to have an education, they have to roam the streets for a living, sometimes in an undignified way. When reading their story, I just cried. Our students here do not know how lucky they are.

Sigh, I do not wish to elaborate further.

after reading the message, just feel so pissed.

Lantern festival came and went. Whenever I carry the lantern, it just reminds me that soon, we will be celebrating CNY…

But this year, with an additional Max to carry the lantern, so funny lor…. Marcus and Mabel took the ones with candles, and Max of course carry the same kind but without candles. He was like dragging the lantern on the floor, and he keeps dropping the lantern on the floor. The walking was so slow. And when I want to carry him, he didn’t want to be carried. then he squeezed the lantern so hard… but he enjoyed. Then we eventually walked to the playground, god, he was so energetic on seeing the playground. I had to follow him up and down… me backache after that. He would climbed the slide… gosh… and as usual, he doesn’t know when to stop, had to sort of like forcefully carry him away.

Saw this somewhere. thought it was meaningful:

There would come a time when we have to stop loving someone because we found out that they'd be happier if we let them go.

You will know when you really love someone is when you want him to be happy even if their happiness means you are not a part of it.

You know what they say about those wooden bamboo chopsticks? How from manufacturing it was bleached, but not disinfect? Then how it was packaged into the little plastic bag (still not disinfected)? Then now, worse still, some recycle the chopsticks…

Hmmm, this is a very complicated thing. Remember the Styrofoam box..? some manufacturers manufactured it, sold it and it was widely adopted. Then came the scare about all the stuff on Styrofoam box.

Now all the hype about wooden chopstick…. Well, probably it will take a concerted effort to boycott using the wooden chopstick. Then again, if we dun use wooden chopstick, what can we use? We can use plastic fork and spoon, but worse still, wooden chopstick can be broken down when thrown away, plastic cannot.

On a lighter note, about marcus…

Hmmm, he quite poor thing, think his skin is sensitive, ever since about a month ago, his face has a lot of rashes. His friend teased him about him having a chicken pox. Then during the sept holidays, after much cream application, his face was much better. When sch reopens again, the rashes came back again. His lips have also been cracking up, it was quite bad in term 3, now it is much better again.

Since wed nite, he complained that his left eye was painful. Then on thurs morning, his eye was very swollen. So in the evening, brought him to see a doc. Doc gave some eye drops and also some cream for his face. Doc says that apparently a sand got into his eye. Anyway, doc also said that he may have sensitive skin and his skin is quite dry. So after he feels better, may think of changing his soap.

And also the doc says that having a sensitive skin may hamper his growth. No wonder he’s so short. Hence, after he is better, I may also buy the medicine for him to eat to spur his growth.

Hong Kong toy makers defend products
Hong Kong toy makers defend products
but the responsibility falls greater on the manufacturer. If the source is the paint used in making the toys, then go after the person who supply the paint.
oh, so now, manufacturers are excusable because they want to maximise their profit??? they want to maximise their profit, so they can ignore health standards? so we should compromise our children's health for them to maximise their profit? get a life, you can earn money, but dun earn your money in this kind of unethical way.
buyers want the lowest price? who started this thing of price slashing? china!

Britney Spears dumped by manager
Britney Spears dumped by manager
this girl is a sad story. that's the problem of giving birth too young, having stardom too young. can't cope with fame

Just enjoyed spending time with Max every day. He’s smarter and he’s getting cuter and cuter by the day.

1) he is smart. He knows how to hold 2 small rubber hands with just one hand. He will grab the first one in his hand and then he will use his thumb and second finger to hold the other ball. No one taught him that.
2) He now realized that he has new found freedom ever since he learnt to walk independently. He enjoys walking round and round the house and climbing up and down the stairs. He also enjoys going out… he is very excited when he knows that he is going out. He also now wants his own set of bowl and spoon, juz to play with when he’s having dinner. Slowly I think he will learn to push the spoon into his mouth to feed himself. He bites his spoon and refuse to let go.
3) I will slowly teach him to say some words. He now knows how to show the number 2 and says 2. he is very talkative. He seems to be engaged in a conversation with you when you teach him things. Of course, he knows how to quarrel with people too, esp with his siblings. When he loses out, he will take their hands and want to bite.
4) He is very mischievous. When marcus and mabel is sleeping, he would go and disturb them. He would shake their head, ruffle their hair, put his mouth on their face, like kissing them like that.
5) he is very good at crying first. That day when he toppled the photo frame, I juz said a little more stern, ‘ah boy!’ suddenly he turned around and cry so loud. Then he walked towards me and buried his head on my laps, then ask me to carry him. When I did, he buried his head on my shoulder and cried somemore. All this while, I didn’t even scold him. Then when I pat him, saying him, he looked up and smiled.
6) Sometimes, when he doesn’t want the maid, he will raise up and his hand and shake his hand, like asking the maid to go away. He also knows that by raising out both his hands, he’s asking people to carry him.
7) He is very cute. So cute….. and last nite, he was playing with a plastic cup. He actually wanted to drink the cold water from the cup, but since marcus has finish the water, the cup is empty, I let him play with it. He was experimenting with the cup, then he placed the cup over his mouth and talked into the cup. When the siblings laughed, he knows it’s funny and he kept on doing it to make us laugh.
8) It was nice to watch him sleep. When he sleep, he looks so serene, like so angelic. What a contrast from when he’s awake. When he sleeps, I think he really looks like me.

On Sunday, brought the children to pasir ris to cycle. He enjoys sitting on the chair and letting the wind blow against him. Pasir ris has upgraded the playground. The children enjoyed playing. Will bring marcus and mabel there more often to play as it’s good to climb and move around. In this way, marcus can then grow taller. Do you know that he is actually being referred because he’s too short for his age? Slightly below the percentile. So got to monitor him.

Anyway, there is swing there, max enjoys the swing. You can see from his face that it is very ticklish… when I have time, I will post the pictures here.

All in all, we had a good time. Will bring them there more often. Picnic. We have a tent, so we can all go there and just enjoy the sand, sea and sun.

Darn, blogger again…. Luckily, didn’t blog much. this was what i wanted to blog yesterday.

Ok, let me recall what to blog….

There were many things to blog
1) stress! So many important and urgent things to do and so little time to do. The symptoms are showing, loss of hair and hormonal changes

2) Max is so cute. He can now walk independently, even if you want to hold his hands, he would not allow you to hold his hands. He shows you he can walk on his own. (sound just like my character) now has to look after him even more carefully. He enjoys the staircase and the curbs, (all the dangerous things, again sound so like me) so he enjoys walking up and down the steps, this one of course with help.

Last nite, brought them to pasar malam. Let them take a ride. I was surprised that he enjoyed it so much! He was smiling and laughing most of the time…. Too bad, my hp was on low batt, otherwise I could have captured it. His smile was so innocent. And when the ride stopped, he actually screamed and cried so loud. He is very notti, he cries so loudly until everyone looked at us.

3) of course, recent news, earthquake in Indonesia, resignation of Jap PM.

i hope blogger is working today because yesterday my one whole posting about local sg men & china girl was all gone!!!!

anyway, had a long weird dream last nite. dreamt about my ex bf... dreamt about a blind gal.... dreamt abt punggol. it was weird and it was a long dream. i will not post the details here.... not suitable. but it has been a long time since i had a long dream.

ok, stress level high again, i haven't set exam paper, i haven't finish my marking!!!!

been a along time

ok, been a long time since i update.

let me see, how is life for me? great... busy with work in the day time, fetch kids back home, then busy with kids in the night time. got to balance work and children and family. not only kids need our attention, sometimes, your the other half also needs your attention too. takes two to maintain, if not, improve relationship. When all the kids are sleeping, that's the best time to catch up with your the other half. that's why children must go to sleep early.

last time when staying in punggol, a mistake to let the children sleep in the same room together with us.

good to be busy... when i'm free, i'll look to do some other things for my children, like posting video on them. i owe max a compilation of his photos. i've quite a few photos of him since young till now. i need to put them together.

and then keeping myself updated on the jolie-pitt family. check out these two photos i saved. shiloh is so cute!! i actually RSS feed the website, so that i can always have updated news on them.

ok, i've downloaded the game audtion, but it just won't start. that is something i have to solve. once i can play, or more of Marcus and Mabel can play, i'll let you all know my profile. we shall 'chiet' online.

ok, i'm testing this out. this icon must be there for a long time for me to upload my pictures, now good, dun need to go to photobucket. i can upload directly here and then blog.

been trying to post video, but cannot. some problem occur

ok, i've linked my class' blog. next, i've upload 2 videos of my children on youtube. those were pictures taken in 2005. feel so good putting it together and uploading it. in time to come, i'll upload max's videos

tiring weekend, will be a tiring week this week too with so many things going on and so many things to do.

arghhhhhh, everyone is sleeping so soundly. actually wanted to blog about issues with maid, but tired already, dun waste my energy here. better spent going to sleep

that day when i went to a full day workshop at suntec, attended a workshop session in the afternoon. It is like this, there were many sessions going on, we just had to sign up for whichever workshop that interest you. Well, needless to say, the Hossan Leong's workshop was full, so i went to another one. 'Seeing little red dot through the lens'

yes, it's about photography. but of course, the speaker had to integrate NE into the workshop which he did. He is a photographer with mypaper. funny guy. of course he showed us many of his photos. i enjoyed the workshop.

After the workshop, hands itchy, feel like snapping pictures again. i have snapped quite a few photos during the recce trips which i brought students to. just that, i dun have the time to really download it here.

can't help but must blog this.

am wearing those heel shoes which are pointed at the front. then just think of a few things related to the shoes.

some people may have a fetish with such shoes.

great, i can now poke students in the butt with the shoes if they are not doing their silent reading!!! hahaha!!!!

argh, hate it when i hit rock bottom with work. totally demotivated. then this is the time again when i start questioning myself, for wat i work so hard?

feel bad about not spending enough time with my children or to supervise marcus' schoolwork. go and supervise other people's children's schoolwork for wat.

i know i will feel better as days goes by and i'll pick myself up again. but as of now, i'm juz disheartened.

hmmm, should update about son son. let's see.... now that he is almost 14 months old... well, he is of course learning how to walk. he can stand up, he can walk if you hold his hands. if alone, he hesitates to take the first step. but if you hold him, he walks fast, though still a bit unsteady. and he loves to climb up and down the staircase. oh yah, he skip the crawling stage.

now that he knows how to walk, he knows that he can go places. his personality is shaping up. he knows where he wants to go, what he wants, then he'll raise up his hand and 'eh'. he is very naughty. and he is very playful. he doesn't want to sleep, only wants to play. next time when he grows up, he is also one who doesn't stays at home, becos he loves going out. sometimes bring him out to buy dinner, when we are approaching the house, he will turn his back and just refuse to walk back to the house. and when you wear shoes for him, he knows he's going out and he will be very happy and excited.

He is also very smart. he loves to play with toy cars. his brother's toy cars. i only need to teach him once, to push the car and say 'vroom vroom', now when he plays with the cars, he'll do exactly the same, just that he didn't really sound it 'vroom'. then sometimes, he will throw things just to see them fall.

one thing good is he will give you his toys and he wants you to play with him. at least he knows how to share. the only person he doesn't share his toys with is marcus, becos marcus doesn't share his toys with his brother. so what goes round comes round.

now, training him to sleep beside me at night. will slowly wean him off from the cradle. i love hugging him and sleep.

just realise that i have a passion for conducting workshop. It's different from teaching students. somehow adults can understand instructions better and when they participate, the whole event is actually successful and fruitful.

at least i know that hard work is paid off.

been 2 weeks since my last update. been very busy with work. but at the same time, i've thought about work, life. i guess when u reach a point of burn out, u tend to take a step back to reflect what is all this for?

Work, no doubt is busy, this is the busiest time of the year. with so many things to do and straddle and manage, sometimes u can't help but wonder why? why we work so hard and others can just 'chao keng' and do the minimum? this is not fair, i know, i know very well, life is not fair.

this morning as i was sipping coffee and just thinking... something juz hit me in the head and i juz got emo.

anyway, what will keep me going are my 3 children. as marcus and mabel is growing up, expectation is for them to be more independent and of course, academic performance. as for son son, his character is shaping. he is very talkative, his smiles charm me. he can by trying at times also, but slowly teach him lor. he woke up at 4 plus again this morning. maybe that is why i needed my coffee this morning.

whatever life brings, juz be it. most important, my children are happy. most important, you are happy.

dear max woke up at 2 something last nite. well, his pampers was wet and his pyjamas was wet. ok, fine, then i changed for him. but after that, he just refused to go to sleep. after 2 hours of shaking him, i decided to carry him up and then juz let him play toys. even until 5 plus, i thought he might want to sleep, so that I can catch some sleep before my alarm rings at 545am!!!! but he doesn't want to sleep. sigh, no choice, carry him again.

hence i think today's mood is so-so, will try to keep myself going. better have nothing to trigger and make the mood foul. cross my fingers...

flower craze

been trying to hone my green fingers lately. bought two plants (in fact, one was given to me), one is the 'ang hui' which loosely translated 'red flower' plant. another is the orchid. looked up information about orchids on the internet. needed tips on how to grow them well. now a new stalk is coming out, so happy.

the other one, as i dunno the english name, i'm still trying to test out.

i remember last time i came across a website which gives you ideas on how to arrange flowers. some are quite unconventional way of arranging flowers. it's a very interesting website, but i've since lost it... can't find it in my history files either, i dun have the slightest idea the name. juz know it's a uk based website. sharks, i should have added it to my favourite.

anyway, chance upon marthastewartc.om. great ideas in different categories. if i'm at home during the weekdays, i try to catch the show on channel 5, 12 noon.

recent 2 murders

As the interesting details about the two murders surfaced over the newspaper the past few days, i cannot help it but my heart goes out to the children.

ok, marital problems.... why must you kill your the other party? didn't you think of your children? you really think that by killing your husband, your children will accept your new boyfriend as daddy? have you spared a thought for your children? i really pity them. as in the case of the woman who was killed by the husband, her two children are so young! age 2 and 4... my god... so sad, the father will be in jail or probably hang, the mother is dead.

then the other case where the husband was killed... i really dunno how to say. i think if i'm the 9 year old daughter, i will hate the mother forever.

so for my children, a happy family i will give them.

again, thought i've lots to say, but now that i've logged in, i also dunno wat to say.

went to giant on sat to buy things. well, over there, u must not be kind and give in, esp the seafood session and the vegetable section. will lose out one, those aunties grab things, like nobody's business.

it's only 1st of july... 11 more days to pay day... :(

just did a Multiple Intelligence test. and this is my result



You're a Visual/Spatial Intelligence!

The Multiple Intelligences Test
Brought to you by Tickle

10th anniversary

soon, it will be 9th July. remember 9.7.97? so fast, in a blink, it has been 10 years. well, 10 years is definitely not short, neither can you say it's long.

but 10 long years of marriage. no doubt there were ups and downs, we weathered so much together, it makes me appreciate us more.

dear lao gong, i juz want to thank you for always being there for me, always so patient with me, always loving me, no matter how cranky i can be sometimes or unreasonable.

i juz want to wish us many more 10 years to come, children to grow up happy in the warmth of the family and i love you, always. till eternity, till death do us apart.

not been updating recently because busy with new house. finally, moved into new house on 16th June. must put on record, thanks to kian and bing for helping out with the moving.

in fact, a few days before, was busy moving some bulky stuff and unpacking some kitchen stuff. stressed and no appetite. wash toilet and cooker hood until i want to vomit.

after shifting in...well, finally relieved. everything went smoothly on the actual day. but i was dead tired. glad the children like it. this makes all the pain and effort and sweat worth it. For them, we will hold the fortress.

not really in the mood to blog, cos too relax, not settled down and many things to do. also affected by some photos i juz saw. and it's 4 pm already, i want to go home!

thought i have so many things to say, but i've been staring into the screen for the past 5 mins, i do not know how to start.

forgiveness.... i totally agree with Osho that it's not whether a person is worthy or not to be forgiven. it's actually all inside our heart, whether we are ready to forgive. that is why although i've printed out the article on forgiveness, i've put off reading it because i know in my heart, i'm not ready.

aiya, inside my head, a lot of things to think and worry, not in the mood to blog

hmmm, let me see, wat did we do over the weekend? hmmm, can't rem much.... juz remember vesak day seems like a sunday,and sat also seems like a sunday...

anyway, on friday afternoon, went to pc show. so darn crowded, have to park at esplanade. well, looked around, didn't really buy anything. look see look see only.

on saturday... can't remember much, at night went junction 8, secret receipe to have dinner. hmmm, max actually finish 3/4 of the cake, he loves the chocolate cake.

on sunday... let me see, ah, early in the morning, go toa payoh report for service learning project. actually come to think of it hor, very silly leh, i should juz submit my students' name, then i act smart, go and submit my name.... so have to do lor. aiyah... but it was fun doing it. maybe becos of age, i am more daring to approach people to donate. it's an interesting 5 hours.

mabel has been going to my mum's place to stay over on sat nites becos she wants to follow her yiyi to church on sunday. as for marcus, he can't be bothered to go to church, so he doesn't want to go. sometimes it feels weird when mabel is not around. she is so handy and helps out with every single little thing when she is around. without her around, it seems so funny

max can suck from the straw. i thought that was impressive for his age. and he is getting more and more greedy. he also has a bad temper, very bad. when he does something wrong, he would look at me first, then he would cry first so that people will not scold him. so cheeky

our experiences, whether good or bad, will cause us to think in a certain way. experiences will also reinforce this thinking. and eventually, this thinking will shape our belief system.

so i dun blame anybody for having bad experiences, and thus your belief is there.

these 2 months, all these experiences has also shaped my belief.

these 2 months has knocked some senses into me. i finally open my eyes and see and realise. All this while, my dear has been standing beside me, behind me and has done so much for this family. sometimes i feel bad that i have not done my part as a wife. although beaten and wearied, he has not given up and has put in a lot of effort to hold the family together. i should have done more for him. i will, from today onwards, be a better wife and be there for him as well. we have come a long way, from my family's objection of us being together, the 6 months apart from each other, the letters that we wrote to each other every single day and posting them out through snail mail, the small little pocket tv that we watched together for 3 months juz after our marriage, until my dad buys us a tv. These are the hardships that we have gone through together.

you have done so much for the family, and yet i was so blind. i'm truly truly sorry.

we will have more hardships to go through together in future, with the new house, with the kids growing up, new challenges to face. can i hold your hand one more time and walk down the aisle again and say 'i do' again?

i love you, my dear! and of course, together, we will love our children, all 3 of them and together, a happy family. (Father And Mother I Love You)

god, did u juz cry? when i cried, someone told me to save the crocodile tears. so can i say the same thing to u?

the rain has stopped, wat does it signify?

you are kind to others, but who is kind to you? does it pay to be kind? why must we be so mean in order to survive? it's not only the fittest that survive, it's the fittest and the meanest that will survive.

i dun believe in god anymore, i believe in myself, i believe in money.

i know one of these days, god will make me take back my words.

banish me to hell, all 18th levels of them.

disclaimer: all above mentioned words are spoken in the moment of depression, daze and desperation. pls do not imitate.

hmmm, today is shiloh's birthday.

anyway, went to challenger yesterday, finally, bought my 1GB storage card for my hp. $19.90, cheap liao.... finally. now transferring some things. alright, now instead of 64MB, i got 1000MB!!!!!!! can take more pictures of son son and take more videos of this naughty boy.

ok, let me see....
my next target is a PSP for marcus and a gameboy or nintendo DS for mabel. so looking ard for promotion. early birthday present for them

humans, we are juz making use of one another, ain't it?

the only thing that gets me going are my three children. this morning, all of them were lazing on the bed, happily playing with one another. The gor gor and jie jie love max, i think max particularly gets on well with jie jie. well, at least jie jie can make him laugh. Max always look forward to playing with both of them. without both of them, i think he would feel bored. should have taken a picture of 3 of them in bed this morning.

looking at them, i juz know feel that they need the parents, we must go on for the sake of them.

2nd June is next Sat. coming soon. sigh, if i can't meet this deadline, i dunno how.

anyway, life is going on. it has to

SATURDAY

ok, on sat, went hola for breakfast. then go to school, students reporting for flag day. after about an hour, quite confirm that nobody will come anymore, pack up. went to repair my PC. then some stupid thing happen to me. i couldn't quite believe myself. i miss a step, or rather i didn't see a step and i fell down. lucky i used my hand to 'ding' otherwise i fall flat on my face. but my 2 knee caps, bruised and abrasion. lucky i wear long pants, otherwise abrasion more jialat. kao, i can't believe myself, how could i not see the step???? so damn paiseh. it's like an adult falling down lor, actually it's quite funny.

then still got some time before i head back to school to collect the tins, so we went queensway shopping centre to check out the price of sports shoes. This mr tan hor, his puma shoes almost spoil already, suppose to buy a new one, but then hor, see so long, still haven't buy.

anyway, went back school to collect the tins. then when this is settled, by the time we reach home, it's like almost 3 plus. still have to go hospital. but today, thanks to max who was feeling sleepy, we didn't stay in the hospital too long. then come back, 530 already, later 7pm going my mum's house for dinner, catch a quick nap. oh yah, on the way to my mum's house, marcus fell down. and the funny thing was he fell down exactly the same way as i did!!! he missed a step, then without warning, he fell to his knees. i was like laughing real hard...(actually as i was typing now, i'm still laughing at the incident) it's like i so bad lor, my son fell down, well, he didn't really cry, but it was painful, but this mother here kept on laughing) then we were like telling mabel, u better be careful, watch your step, u maybe the next one to fall.

in the night, on yibing's invitation, went out to celebrate his birthday. mr tan came along too. after the youngest one sleep already, we changed and we decided to take a cab. dun want to be caught for drunk driving. was really excited. it's like the old times again, going out on sat nites. went to qbar at the boat quay. actually it's not really at boat quay. it's opposite boat quay! that's a big difference. anyway, met up, drank some, cut birthday cake and then we change venue. decided to go kbox at marina square. it's really fun to take the slow walk to marina square. makes both of us feel young again . there were about 10 of us.

it was really like good to see some of the ex students, and even happier to see that they have grown up, became best of friends and brothers. we already made appointments, next time i shift to tampines, we will have more chance to lim kopi.

SUNDAY
woke up at 11 plus this morning, reached home at about 5am, so ok lah, about 6 hours of sleep. went over to the coffeeshop to try the new western stall, hmm, not too bad, then it's back to the hospital again. then after that, went to tampines giant to buy food stuff. decided to have steam boat becos marcus wants to catch the spiderman 2 on ch 5 tonight. so called grandma, aunties, sis, her bf adrian, and my mum of course.

tampines giant is a great place to buy things. lots of stuff, the food variety is a lot, the best part is there is live prawns! best for steamboat. beef, tho it's frozen, but not many supermarkets would sell beef sukiyaki or shabu shabu. they are the best for steamboat, tho it's not the genuine jap steamboat. i even manage to get pork sukiyaki. can u beat that??? then at least, manage to get some vegetables that is suitable for steamboat. fruits!!!! oh yah, some inconsiderate people actually stood there and on the pretext of tasting the lychee, ate so many lychee. how cheapo can they get? bought the thai mango too, ohhhhh, saliva dripping.

the seafood range is great too. there is one whole cuttlefish, sotong, not many supermarkets sell this too. and we bought some gong gong. juz boil it, it would be best. then this uncle saw me buy one whole cuttlefish, he wanted to know how much it cost, it was $2 something. then i ask uncle cheap or not, uncle say cheap, he also buy one. it was nice chatting with shoppers. oh yah, there was this salesgirl who recommend me to buy the scallop, half shell. i tell her i dunno how to cook, she even teach me how to cook!!! juz steam can already. i was tempted to buy, but i need to focus on buying things for steamboat. so i told her i'll get it some other time. said i'll get the scallops for steamboat instead. it was great shopping at tampines giant. the best thing is parking is FREE!!!!! i can imagine myself shopping there more often when i shift to tampines.

guess, how much i spent? i bought a packet of rice, some drinks, soya ben, milk, cheese, cuttle fish, live prawns 1 kg, gong gong, vegetables, jambu fruit, mango, meat, beef, chicken, pork pacific clams 2 cans, the shoots 2 cans, scallops 1 packet, udon, yong tau foo stuff, toilet roll, oh yah, and shrek 3 packaging coco balls, (and guess wat, marcus drop the whole packet of coco balls at home while eating, it's like all three of us picking up the balls for him lor. lucky the floor is not dirty) total is $147. cheap sia, for so many things. there would be 8 adults, 2 children and 2 maids eating, total 12 people. about $12.25 per person. cheap.........

ok, i got to go help to prepare the steamboat stuff.

ok, i'm pissed. you dun come and disturb me early in the morning, u piss me off, u get wrath.

as usual, i was driving along PIE, on the centre lane, not very fast today, about 80 - 90. then as i approach simei, i filter into 3rd lane, travelling behind a van, 2 motorcycles. then there is this honda, at first sight, it was a honda accord, with that kind of white light as headlight, from my rear mirror, i can see that he cuts in from 1st lane to 2nd lane, wanting to cut into 3rd lane, but becos of the double white line, he was kind of like behind me. after the double white line, he wanted to cut into the 3rd lane, but couldn't quite decide whether to cut in front of me or behind me. so in the end, he choose to be behind me.

ok, so we exit. so you know there is this curvy road... well, the 2 motorcycles were slow, so i kind of like overtake them and drive on the outer curve. the honda got stuck behind the 2 motorcycles. so after exiting, the next step was to filter left into simei. this honda, after exiting the PIE, drive so fast (he is also obviously going into simei) and come up so close behind my car. i have a gut feeling that if i'm slow, he would have overtake me and cut into my lane. but becos i'm quite near to the filter already, so he had no choice but to go behind me. then i did something wicked. i brake, waiting for him to bang my car's backside.

filter into simei. then traffic light, stop. he looked at me, i looked back at him. then green light. he 'free willy' his car. do u call that 'free willy'? anyway i dunno the correct spelling but for a bike, the front wheel would have taken off. anyway, his wheels did some screeching sound and off he goes.

well, actually that could be the end of the story, but as i looked at the honda, kao, new civic, P plate, young man, i must stalk him all the way to the car park. so i chased after him. of course, my picanto cannot chase the civic, but then, come on, there are so many small roads, big buses around simei, how far can he go? but i know i have to watch out for pedestrains who may be crossing the road. i dun want to regret anything.

so chased him all the way to the carpark. the only thing i stop short of was to go down the car and give him a good scolding or to show him my middle finger. not worth the while. i made a 3 point turn and then i left.

young chaps. *slaps forehead* never cho cho ah soh when u drive. sD* 1188. nice number, maybe it could be his father's car.

wahhhhhhh, so busy, no time to really sit down to blog. anyway, too mechanical and emotionless to really feel for each day. juz wake up, go through the motion, try to finish up my things, and then look forward to sleep.

max and marcus is not feeling well this week. brought max to see doc on sat morn. so is mil. she is warded in hosp. marcus, today, teacher called to say that he has fever, brought him home then to see doc. mainly cough, those dry kind of cough. i'm also feeling the itch in my throat today. been coughing slightly today. of course i catch the germs. When carry max that time, he started coughing, then he no jalan one, cough straight into my face. all his saliva on my face. and also he started to kiss me on my lips, like that i confirm catch the germs. no choice, your son kiss you, u cannot push away.

now i understand when people are driven to desperation, some of the things that they do when they are desperate. i'm not saying that this is an excuse for people to commit crimes or things like.

it's juz that i understand their feeling, the feeling of desperation.

another week has gone by. let me see, papa brought home $200 on friday, so we decided to order 1 crab for dinner.

on sat morning, we went to rangoon road to eat bak kuh teh for breakfast. shiok, quite crowded but managed to find space. the children enjoyed the you tiao. it's really nice. but $22.60, hmmm, quite a huge sum for breakfast. then in the afternoon, we went to rent 3 vcds to watch, 2 chinese film and 1 english film. world trade centre. bought some food to cook lunch.

then sis called and asked us to go watch spiderman 3 in the evening. we agreed. had to arrange max and the maid to be with my mother, so marcus, mabel, papa, me, sis and sis' bf, all six of us went to yishun 10 to watch spiderman 3 at 1810hr. we noticed yishun 10 shows a lot of bollywood movies. anyway, watched the show. nice show. marcus actually sat throughout the show and was very attentive. how i know he was attentive, he could remember a lot of the details of the movie after that. mabel slept for a while during the movie.

after the movie, we went yoshinoya in northpoint to eat. the kids didn't eat much cos they had so much popcorn during the movie. i noticed i had rice for all 3 meals on sat. rice for breakfast, (bak kuh teh), rice for lunch (cooked at home) and then rice for dinner (yoshinoya) god, i feel like a rice bucket.

then at night, we continued with our 2nd vcd. 'world trade centre' papa fell asleep halfway through the show. well, i was kind of disappointed with the show. no doubt it showed how the 2 policemen were rescued... ok, the effects of the wtc collapsing is quite real. but i expected the show to have more real life accounts, like those people in the top floors, wat happen when the plane slam into their offices, how did they manage to evacuate... it was like they took some time to walk all the way down... wat happen while they were evacuating, i was like hoping more for that.

again, didn't have a good sleep. max is not sleeping well at night. he tends to wake up in the middle of the night to make noise. then i really have to sit up and shake the cradle and pat him. then after that, i was like lying on my side, hand stretched out and holding this string which we attached to the side of the cradle and tugging the string to shake the cradle. hand muscles aching these few days. very interrupted sleep these few nights.

then on sunday, went to church to fetch marcus and mabel in the afternoon, went to tampines ikea for lunch and to shop around for their bedroom furniture. not really shop, juz checking out the items and let them take part in choosing their own bedroom furniture. it was surprisingly not very crowded. maybe becos most of the crowd is at giant or maybe due to the coming exams, more families are at home with their kids mugging for exams. ha! really tired in the afternoon when we came home. was watching the 3rd vcd, but could not tahan, slept. max and marcus slept too. mabel, i think she didn't sleep, dunno what she is busy with.

at night, went to this taiwan restaurant to eat. well, basically more for papa and sis and sis' bf to eat the 'smelly beancurd' hmm, i've tried it once, i really could not take the taste. so this time, only the 3 of them are eating, and my sis kept coercing me to eat, i said no. even until now, i can still smell the 'smelly beancurd' smell, it's like lingering around me. anyway, i know eating this is an acquired taste.

ok, max seems to be unhappy, got to quickly log off and go and check him out.

mood of the day

mood indicator: fatigue and extra irritable.

yesterday, spent long hours on the laptop in school, at least 4 or 5 hours before heading back home. then after dinner, mum came, had to help her with her typing of some chinese document for her church. so spent another 3 hours, finishing up the document. it's like some bible knowledge test. i dun mind typing some of the words, but imagine the person's name or the places' name in chinese. Jerusalum etc... after she went back, i was really really tired.

so about 10 plus, make max sleep. was juz crossing my finger that he doesn't wake up in the middle of the night. it was like on the previous night, he woke up at 3 something, then he sang song until 4 plus then he finally sleep. so last nite, i was juz hoping that he wouldn't do that.... then 2am, he woke up. and he seems fed up because he was like crying too. ok, something must be wrong with him. ok, changed his pampers, he's still not happy. probably the bites on his leg is very itchy and he is fed up and irritable. ok, so put some ointment for him. then juz let him sit on the bed and let him play with his toys for a while. while he's playing, i juz lay beside him and catch some sleep... occasionally he will bang his toys on my face, then i woke up with a start. then he will give this big smile... kao, can he get any cuter. mistake, shouldn't have sang 'baa baa black sheep' cos he liked the song and i had to sing like so many times, at least more than 5 times with actions. finally at 3 something, he started rubbing his eye, took his pillow. ok, indication that he's sleepy. so make him sleep. finally, peace.

then before long... the alarm went off. darn........

on way to school, ok, warning, dun do this. fatigue plus speeding is extremely dangerous. i was like travelling on the 1st lane, ok, about 110km... then this impreza in front was like travelling at 80km.... ok, weekend car, new car, so probably running in the engine so didnt' travel fast, but on 1st lane? ok, so i overtook it. wahhhh, impreza cannot tahan picanto overtook him.... anyway, i dunno him or her, didn't take a good look. juz assume it's a him and another passenger beside him. so he overtook me and cut in in front of me also... well, there are other cars on the road, since u want to go fast, ok, i go 2nd lane. he also cut in 2nd lane, in front of me. oh, puh-lease, i have no intention to speed with u, i know the limits of my car. but since u cut in in front of me, not once but twice, ok, u have incurred my wrath. so i stepped on the accelerator. he had to speed up too, then he suddenly cut in to the 1st lane. i had to step on the brake, cos there was a car in the 2nd lane that was really slow. lucky i got some reflex.

ok, then i think, ok, got to stop before anyone gets into an accident. anyway, there are many cars on 1st lane, but funny thing is 2nd lane, not many cars. so as usual, i juz continue my way. still meet impreza who is on the 1st lane. so now, i changed tactic, i travel at the same speed beside him, so that he couldn't overtake other cars in 1st lane. yeah, someone say i'm a vicious woman, i can't help to think that i may be one. anyway, it was fun, juz treat it that i've helped someone to realise that he's driving an impreza and he can go much faster than the 80km he was initially travelling at.

1st May

let's see, labour day... hmmm, not much... woke up in the morning, went for breakfast, had to be vegetarian, 1st lunar day. after that, went home, checked email, while children all do their own things. then Max started to be naggy, time to bathe him and let him nap.

after bathing him, he slept. Then Marcus came into the room and asked when we are going to Pizza Hut. told him to bathe, and when Max wake up, we will move off. Max must have heard us talking, because after shifting his position, he peeped from behind his pillow and gave that huge big smile, as if to say that, mum, i'm ready to go.

went to amk's pizza hut. mabel has been acting funnily today. kept laughing, it's like she says something, then she gave a short laugh... like very bimbo-ish like that. anyway, we had a great time having lunch. ordered juz nice, actually wanted to order the chicken drumlets and the ocean platter that marcus wanted, luckily never order. it was only like only the two adults eating, mabel only had half a pizza, 2 pieces of garlic bread. marcus had more slices of the pizza, finished the whole bowl of soup and 1 piece of garlic bread. good thing, lucky...

after that, we went ntuc hypermart to shop. boy, we spent $155 on grocery and stuff like that. oh my god.... must be max pampers and milk powder. bought some simple food for steamboat for dinner. oh yah, must blog this, we brought our own bags to bag our grocery. 3 bags... cool huh? people were like looking at us... wondering if it is BYOB day. but nope, i'll practise bringing my own bags for all groceries from now on. well, my 3 bags still could not contain my things, needed 2 plastic bags for the files and spiderman toys.

oh yah, speaking about spiderman. the merchandise must be making a lot of money. because marcus insist on buying some spiderman thing. i actually said no, but thought, ok, he can choose something not so expensive. at first, he chose some spider web thingy, gosh, not a nice toy to choose. in the end, i made him choose this dart thing. it's something like the web, u wear this device on your hand and then shoot darts out. no need batteries, that's the main thing. and the darts are rubberised, so it's really safe. that contributed $20 to my $155! yah, but better than the web thing, $24.

after buying all the stuff, reached home. then max is cranky again, nap time. he was sleeping... but in between, so many phone calls on my hp, on the 3rd call i received, he woke up. i was like so fed up. i wanted to do some reading, now that he woke up, i couldn't. and he only like sleep for less than an hour and it's only 4pm. how to last through to 10pm?

ok, then, so mum will come for dinner, she had packet some left over food. played xbox with marcus, 2 players one. so it was quite fun. daddy took care of max, anyway, max was in the same room, playing by himself while we are playing.

mum came, had dinner, 5th aunt and sis came as well. 5th aunt could carry max, max wasn't crying. well, babies are cute.

sometimes, i must constantly remind myself to spend equal attention on mabel and marcus. cos max really stole my heart.

NYJC 30th Anniversary

yesterday, went back to NY for its 30th anniversary and of course, to witness the opening of the time capsule which we buried 15 years ago. brought max and mabel along too.

after the opening of the time capsule, we had a fun time looking through at the items. it's still look quite good, juz that of course the stale smell is there. showed mabel the name list where my name was. we looked at the various cca's collar pin, saw many different things and we had fun recalling our memories.

then we toured round the college. after rebuilding, of course, all the familiar things are not there anymore. the only regonisable thing is the track and we could still remember fondly the PE building beside the track and JL and PL, NY's favourite dogs. but it is now all gone and replacing it are some basketball courts or was it tennis court.

of course, we met some teachers, but i dun think my teachers can remember me because basically, i'm not the top student, i didn't score well for my A levels. luckily i didn't fail their subjects, otherwise, i really got no face to see them. then of course, we met up with some long lost friends. and i saw my ex! it was like after 15 years, this is the first time i've met him... although i've heard bits and pieces of news of him. well, in a group, we all exchanged our his and byes, didn't really ask much. the last i heard about him was that he was married. so i guess he feels kind of weird too to see me carry max. anyway, darn Eddie, must u give that kind of expression?

it was a good time to catch up with all the old councillor friends. it was also weird to introduce ourselves to the 29th and 30th Student Council. it was like, ermmm, we are from the 15th Student Council.... how time flies. but as we met some of our school friends yesterday, we all had the same feeling. looks wise, i guess we all didn't change much, juz maybe most a little fatter than we used to be. but looking at the face, we can like identify each other.

ok, when i get the pics, i'll definitely upload the pics. will look forward to more gatherings. the next one, probably my place, housewarming.

25th April, a very interesting day.

let me start with work first:
1) disappointment. two days i'm not in school, they all turn to disappointment. can feel my blood pressure went up.

2) mabel's class has two cases of HFMD, so class close for one week. got to monitor all of them to make sure that mabel didn't bring the virus back and give it to the rest of them.

3) went to someone's funeral last nite.

4) max didn't sleep well last nite. woke up at 3 something, ok, pampers wet, change for him. make him sleep again. then 4 something woke up again, pang sai!!! ok, change pampers again. after that, he didn't want to sleep, he actually kept singing and singing. tried to make him sleep at 5 plus, but didn't work, then it's almost time to wake up. so i seriously didn't have enough sleep.

thought that sleep can help me get over 25th april, but the lack of sleep didn't help. i'm feeling as lousy today.

ok, was reading a book and thought i find some quotes interesting.

To do well in career:
willingness to learn from everyone
good people skills, to work through people, respect them and motivate them so as to get things done
resilience to stress
determination in adversity
readiness to put failure behind us
courage to venture out of our comfort zone
take risks and seize opportunities

hmmm, juz feel that today must comment on some issues in the newspaper...

1) the shooting in America university: this is really really very sad. The rest of the people are innocent. no matter how screwed up this person is, no matter wat, he has no right to take away people's lives. and the best thing later, he shot himself. this i think is an cowardly act. yah, so he died, an easy way to run away from responsibilities. if he really wants to die, then why take other people's lives? if you say that this man shoots because he feels that the world has let him down, then i say to you, stop blaming everyone else's for your plight. you have the choice, you have the right to make good your own life. why didn't you choose to rise up from all your circumstances and make yourself to be someone to change the world? why did you choose to be morbid, dark, depressed? god, i'm cursing a dead person. forgive me.
also... where is the family???? dun the parents feel remorseful that you didn't bring up your child properly? where was the intervention when he was young?

2) the en bloc sale.... ha, when i read it, i was really laughing my head off from this family. didn't the family open up their letter boxes? and how can she claim that she dunno anything where all her neighbours moved out? dun she feel that something queer is going on when all her neighbours have left? or she wasn't even aware in the first place? well, the policy is like that, when it's stated 80% then too bad if you are the 20%. dun blame everybody for your plight. go find out yourself what is happening.

3) Treetop@ Punggol: singaporeans are always like that, whatever is new, they will all want a piece of the cake. well, it's their choice. wondered if it's a blessing or curse that i've sold my flat. i choose to take it as a blessing. I've shifted to punggol, i've lived in punggol, no regrets about it. I believe punggol will be a great town in the future with all these new developments slated in punggol. perhaps i was juz too impatient to wait for all these facilities. It would definitely take another 10 years or so to be fully developed. so since i've made the choice, no regrets.

4) salary increase: excuse me? pay increase for teachers? i'm getting mixed up signal here. i thought the pay increase is a one time payment of 0.5-0.75 months and not 1.35 months as reported. and this is based on performance. oh, now i know why 0.8-1.35 months, this is inclusive of the GROW package that they announced in Sept last year. but.... ok, i shall reserve my comments about the grow package.
i repeat it is a ONE TIME payment. and it's CPF deductible. but if you divide the one time payment over 12 months, well, i guess it is some sort of increment. so dun envy my pay increment. with pay increment, this raises people's expectation on teachers, esp parents. they would want us to justify our pay increment through our discharge of duties. so dun be too happy for my increment. i know what i'm in for and i'm prepared. must be careful to word this paragraph properly, there are lots of spies out there.
so i mean, honestly, i appreciate the government's effort to give us more money, but i also understand the increment comes with a price.

so, all in all, stop blaming other people for your plight. change, adapt, be flexible and adjust quickly and then survived them all. Outlast them all.... that's the key to surviving in the society.

gooooooooooood morning. it's a brand new day, brand new week. must be the middle term syndrome. feel so tired (mentally) to go on like that, but keep conditioning myself to go on, go on.... persevere.

the sun will shine bright and cheerful. the clouds will be white and fluffy, the sky will be bright and blue. if it rains, it will bring cool relief to the sweltering heat. be optimistic.

ok, i'm spouting nonsense. juz some phrases to motivate myself.

that time i've read about angelina jolie adopting yet another child. this time a boy from vietnam. didnt' really go and find out more until today was watching youtube, then decided to make a search for her videos. saw a few.... the one i enjoyed most was about the growth of her family, showing all her 4 children. i particularly like maddox and shiloh. shiloh is really very pretty. she has angelina jolie's mouth, brad pitts face shape. very pretty girl.

anyway, juz feelings and thoughts.

Max is also getting cuter each day. these two days becos of his fever, his double eyelid for his left eye came out. he look really nice with double eyelid.

if i could, i would love to have another baby. babies are really very cute. not that kind of cute, cute. that kind of cute which would melt your heart, that kind of cute where u would be willing to work hard to provide for their future.

never update? yup, no time to update and vexed to update too.

ok, photo time... last nite, took some photos of children. the 2 eldest one also have fun taking pictures for each other.




this is one of my favourite, can see Max's teeth





he's crying







then this morning went to east coast... rent some bicycles....


















Then after macdonald for lunch, we went to the beach.

Coffeeshop Mistakes Part 2

really cannot tahan... the story goes like this... last nite, went back to the coffeeshop to have dinner... well, that same coffeeshop as it offers more variety of food. intend to eat there, just need to packet one rice....
so, went to the stall that sold fishball noodle... this time, i made my order through an auntie. deliberately spoke clearly my orders, saw what she wrote. 'mee sua, soup, fishballs... not enough fishballs, can mix?' *me thinking, but a little unhappy because i dun like meat balls* 'ok, mix' saw she wrote down 'mix' 'auntie, 1 more bowl, mee pork, *deliberately slows down my speech to make myself clear* dry, chilli, mix also' ok, saw she wrote down the correct order. "auntie, table 8" saw she wrote down T:8. good, ordered correctly, she wrote down correctly.... went back to sit and wait.

after waiting for some time, hubby asked, "u want to go and check your orders? how come the people behind us juz sit down only, their order came already?" ok, i go and check.

"miss, wat u want to order?" "i'm not here to order, i'm here to check if my orders out already or not?" saw the auntie who wrote down my order, quickly added "mee sua soup and mee pork dry? table 8? u ask me if can mix or not?" younger gal checks the order sheets that was thrown away, "yes, out already. aiya, father give wrongly. sorry sorry, u want, i cook your orders for you?"

wah, i flare up, really flare up... wrong again... this is like how many times in a row u made a mistake? how to order again? so unhappy with you, so angry with you, how? i can't bring myself to swallow the mee sua.... 'i go ask' walked back to the table, deliberately stood near the table behind us, 'aiya, they bring the orders wrongly to another table, *points my finger at the guilty table* funny people, wrong order, the people dunno how to open their mouth and say they didn't order. anyway, u stil want to eat?" hubby hesitates. *makes myself clearer* "you still want to eat from their stall? i'm still eating, but not from their stall. i'm ordering from other stalls"

so in the end, we ordered from other stalls.... oh, stupid rice stall again, tell u the story later. so in the end, 1 ate roti prata, 1 ate chicken hor fun. went back to the fishball stall and told them, dun want the order already. well, the auntie and her daughter came to our tables to apologise to us. well, it didn't make me feel better, but i kind of like appreciate their gestures. ok, i'll sum up in my conclusion later.

so i ordered my chicken hor fun from the stall. they say they will bring to my table, even though it says there, self service... ok, fine, fair enough, anyway, i'm still angry with that stall. when my chicken hor fun came, it was in packet!!!! omg, 2 mistakes in a row. i actually wanted to tell the guy, hey, i'm eating here, not packet... but then forget it.... i'm too angry to kick up another row in the coffeeshop becos i know if this time i kick up a fuss, it will be very ugly becos i'm extremely angry. paid the money... took out the PACKET of chicken hor fun, threw the plastic bag on the floor, literally littering the floor. threw the cover on the table.... controlled my temper.

only the roti prata order came correct. well, he almost spilled gravy on me though.... aiya... wat's wrong with the coffee shop.

Reflection:
1) ok, let's not put the blame on others. maybe it's me... do i speak too fast? do i speak so unclearly that people do not understand me? or do i look so fierce that people cannot rem wat i say? yah, it could be me. but i've taken steps to ensure that it will not happen again, i deliberately spoke slowly and clearly, and even watch what u are writing... but i couldn't control who u bring the orders too, sharks.

2) i was stupid to go back to the stall to order again and allow them to make the 2nd time mistake on me. i could have saved myself from all these if i never order from that stall again. i deserve it for going back to the stall. once bitten, twice shy, dun u understand????

3) probably i should speak in malay becos, it seems that 'makan' is a easier word to comprehend. i dunno, maybe i should test this out.

Conclusion:
1) there will not a 3rd time where i allow myself to be angered by that stall again. sorry, even though u have some certificates stating your food is nice... i'll not order from you again, unless other people does the ordering.

2) when they offered to do my order the 2nd time, i should have asked them... 'free one is it?' prob a free meal can appease my anger. otherwise, why i should i pay and eat the food and feel the anger inside?

3) there must be something wrong with me.... i will continue to do self-reflection.

poor max, had to sit with us throughout the whole thing.

the service industry in Singapore sucks big time!!! ok, maybe my expectation is a little too high... becos i'm not talking about orchard rd kind of shop, but then, this is your job, this is your basic minimum job requirement.

1) was at ntuc hypermart... bought a fish, an auntie keyed in the amount and pass to another colleague to clean up the fish. The colleague noticed that she keyed in the wrong kind of fish... so the price was wrong, luckily her colleagues spotted her mistake. then after the colleague finished the cleaning of fish... she placed it on another counter. Then this uncle who was behind me told the auntie that his fish is ready... and the auntie actually wanted to pass the fish to her. i was juz watching the whole and kept quiet, cos i know that is MY fish... then the uncle, "eh, this one not my fish." then my turn," of course lah! this is MY fish... your fish is still cleaning..." *took the fish and turn around and walk away* OMG, stop talking and working at the same time, made so many mistakes...

2) after paying for all my stuff, went to buy bread... chose my bread... then went to the counter and paid... a family of four, the mother asking the cashier a lot of questions.... another colleague packed my bread... then turn ard and took another plastic bag, told the cashier, "earthquake, it's hers." cashier proceed to key in and told me $3.60... hmmm, i remembered it's more than 3.60... ok, nvm, i pay... then wanted to take my bread, look at the receipt in my hands... eh, i paid for earthquake... told the cashier," i didn't buy earthquake, these are my bread." in a short period of 1/2 hours, two people made mistakes.... and it has to be me... small problem, settled the correct items and went off... juz couldn't help wondering why it had to be me, 2 times in a row.

3) oh yah, before that, i was queueing up to pay for my ntuc things, then this joker auntie, holding 3 cans... and asked me if she can go first or not, she has only 3 items. Actually i wanted to be hard hearted and tell her to go to the express lane... but then, forget it.... juz let her 1st... consider as i did a good deed.

4) then today, went to coffeeshop to buy food. i was queueing there first, the stall was busy... no one was there to serve, then 3 people queue up behind me... oh yes, i was carrying Max in my arms... then the colleague shouted for people in the kitchen to come and serve as there was a queue forming... and guess wat, they served the 3 people behind me FIRST! god, so wat if they are loud... '2 packets' and they proceed to packet for them... if let one of them first, nvm... they served THREE of them.... i was very angry and flared up. I would have kicked up a fuss, i feel like kicking up a fuss.... fed up leh, and Max is not light to carry... so when she asked me... i said very loudly, literally shouting. "one packet, this vegetable and that chicken." fed up, really fed up.... now i thought of it, still fed up...... idiots... abc, xyz, nb, knn, cb...

5) then same... went to another stall to buy noodle.... said 'fishball mee, dry, dun want chilli.' uncle proceed to write down..... then waited quite long for the mee, can understand, popular stall. while waiting... 'ah di, sorry, you want dry, we write wrongly, write soup, can or not?' ah di shook his head... they had to re do his order.... then came my packet... hmmm, how come red red one.... 'uncle, i dun want chilli one.' uncle said, "u never say. sorry lah. can lah, a little bit of chilli only." "Cannot, children eat one, cannot have chilli... i specify no chilli." uncle brought the mee there, then came back again, " can lah, a little bit of chilli only... " " uncle, cannot. it's for little children to eat... wat for i bring back and they dun want to eat?' uncle has no choice but to re do the packet. Kao.... it was your mistake and you never admit your mistake... very very hot.... again, 2 mistakes in a row and the person has to be me? no, this one is not my fault. it is the person who dunno how to write orders, so many wrong orders. if it's for my own consumption, i dun mind, but it's for M&M to eat! how to have chilli???? fed up, really fed up...

so my conclusion
1) service industry really sucks, big time
2) when i'm in those uncle, auntie, with not so educated people, i must learn to 'fight' for my rights, be it bitchy or naggy or auntie. kao, otherwise think i very easy to bully like that.....

ok, also dunno what to blog today..... juz no feelings, numb... maybe i need more coffee. juz looking forward to spending time with my children this evening.

having a splitting headache now. dunno why, must be from marking the common test paper. They so CMI (cannot make it)

oh yes, m&m is definitely excited about 'finding nemo' on ice. hey, adrian, you are so lucky. how come u are always winning from all these competition...? haha, want to give me 4 lucky numbers?

life is never smooth sailing. true... the challenges that life present will hone us into a better person. we will be able to be a better person after all the ordeals.

but that is only if you can survive the ordeals. it's tiring, it's mentally exhausting, you juz goes into a spiral, deeper and deeper.

if i ever die, i will take my family with me. i do not want them to suffer on this stupid earth.

sorry, mood is very overcast. i really dun see the sunshine, i really dun see the rainbow after the rain. it's has juz been storm after storm for the past one month. a strong person will also become torn and tattered.

the chinese new year is very boring.. nothing to look forward to... can you believe it, i actually watched 6 hours of fear factor on tuesday on axn.

everything juz sux from then on.... luck, work etc.... today came back to start work... well, i'll not blog much on school, promise not to blog about students, but i'm piss. definitely piss.

feel like having a good hearty meal to relax the mind. yes, i think good food will work now. juz quickly wish that the day is over, then i can go home to see my own kids.