Friday, October 26, 2007

Been a crazy week….

After mabel got well on Monday, it was my turn to fall sick… had a fever on mon night. Then on tues night, marcus got sick. On wed afternoon, max got sick. So in the afternoon, brought the two boys to see a doc. It has been (pardon my language) hell of a week. Not been sleeping well, got to check their temperature in the night and if it’s too high, administer medicine. Guess that explains my irritable mood this week. Really drag myself to wake up in the morning, not that I dun want to come to school, but I wish I had a little more sleep. Yeah, now I can understand why people with not enough sleep has such foul mood.

Today, as I was driving to school, heard an old song on the radio. A song that was shared when we were dating. Yup, that was in 2001, when we had not even got our punggol flat and was ‘squatting’ at my uncle’s place. Today as I heard this song again, the feelings juz overwhelmed me. I thought that songs will not make me cry again, but today this song prove me wrong. Ok, maybe I was feeling a little frustrated with handling all the sick people, so this song juz triggered off my emotions.

Monday, October 22, 2007





























Ok, time to update.

1) mother in law – hmm, her right foot is bad. Today operation, if cannot be saved, then her foot may be amputated. Many implication… a challenge, but if the family can stand together, it should be overcome.

2) mabel – she has been having fever since Sunday. Brought her to doc, gastric flu… I think she pass me some of her virus, cos now my gastric is also not feeling good and after eating, feel like vomiting.

3) Max – well, he’s fine. I’m just amazed by his ability to learn things. Now he enjoys watching advertisement, certain advertisements, and he will imitate some of the actions. Like the action of eating in KFC, the ‘ahhhhh’ in ricola advert, the brushing of teeth, the dancing in drypers advert. When you take a tissue to clean your mouth, he wants to do the same. When you carry a plastic bag, he wants to carry too, although it’s too big and hampers his walking. He is also quite independent, he doesn’t like to hold your hand when walking, he can walk himself. Except when it comes to moving up or down a step, he knows he needs help, he will hold your hand.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Just read something interesting and enlightening:

Why do I feel so much pain in letting go of the things that are causing me misery?

Hmm, was thinking of summarizing it, but then if I summarize it, the article would have lost its essence. You have to read it yourself if you really want to know. www.osho.com

Why do I find this enlightening? Because there were times when I felt immense pain in letting go of things, letting go of love. Of course, I’ve looked beyond all these already. Osho says, ‘You want to drop misery so that you can be happy – that is an absolutely wrong approach. You will have to drop both.’ Haha, cheem… I guess when we can say that we are free from the misery, in another words, if the things come back to you again, you will also not feel happy. Got it? Yes, I do, I realize that looking beyond things, attaining a choiceless realm, attaining an emotionless realm brings me to a greater sense of peace. And when I have this greater sense of peace, I am happier.

It is the same as playing stocks. Osho says, ‘you will have to see that there are investments in your misery. If you want those investments, you will have to learn to live with the misery, if you want to drop te misery, you will have to drop those investments too.’ It is the same as misery, I know of one lady in friendster, she has such a complicated relationship, now I know why she is holding on to her misery, because there is hope in her misery, so she is clinging on to her hope to her misery. Well, I’ve advised her enough but if she chooses to continue to cling on to her hope, maybe that is what is motivating her to live, well then, it’s her choice. I’ve stopped advising her. Asking her to read Osho’s article may only affirmed her actions.

Ok, so much said. I’m feeling drowsy from all the ‘enlightenment’. Need to rest and meditate.
Just when I thought that blogger is ok again, it did it again… wiped out my posting I just posted. Darn it.

Anyway, I was saying, thanks for all the encouragement and support. My colleagues said that I could be suffering from burnout. Yeah, a burnout…. Just like the game burnout dominator. When u finish the supercharge, u get a burn out. Then u need to charge up the super charge again.

So now I think I need a super super super charge

Friday, October 05, 2007

Black Thursday

I do not know why but I’m getting impatient and angry over the slightest things. Slightest things that friends, colleagues, children or students say. Sometimes it’s like it’s not even targeting at me, it’s like they are talking so loudly lor, then I overheard what they say, then I get impatient with them. So many times, I restrain myself from rebutting back. (self discipline)

Anyway, just feel so disappointed with students’ prelim results. I do not know what has gone wrong, me? My teaching? Or them? Arghhhh, i’m getting that kind of spiral feeling again… just spiraling down without control.

When I read from worldvision.com, how other children do not even have a chance to have an education, they have to roam the streets for a living, sometimes in an undignified way. When reading their story, I just cried. Our students here do not know how lucky they are.

Sigh, I do not wish to elaborate further.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007