Wednesday, May 30, 2007

our experiences, whether good or bad, will cause us to think in a certain way. experiences will also reinforce this thinking. and eventually, this thinking will shape our belief system.

so i dun blame anybody for having bad experiences, and thus your belief is there.

these 2 months, all these experiences has also shaped my belief.

these 2 months has knocked some senses into me. i finally open my eyes and see and realise. All this while, my dear has been standing beside me, behind me and has done so much for this family. sometimes i feel bad that i have not done my part as a wife. although beaten and wearied, he has not given up and has put in a lot of effort to hold the family together. i should have done more for him. i will, from today onwards, be a better wife and be there for him as well. we have come a long way, from my family's objection of us being together, the 6 months apart from each other, the letters that we wrote to each other every single day and posting them out through snail mail, the small little pocket tv that we watched together for 3 months juz after our marriage, until my dad buys us a tv. These are the hardships that we have gone through together.

you have done so much for the family, and yet i was so blind. i'm truly truly sorry.

we will have more hardships to go through together in future, with the new house, with the kids growing up, new challenges to face. can i hold your hand one more time and walk down the aisle again and say 'i do' again?

i love you, my dear! and of course, together, we will love our children, all 3 of them and together, a happy family. (Father And Mother I Love You)

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

god, did u juz cry? when i cried, someone told me to save the crocodile tears. so can i say the same thing to u?

the rain has stopped, wat does it signify?

you are kind to others, but who is kind to you? does it pay to be kind? why must we be so mean in order to survive? it's not only the fittest that survive, it's the fittest and the meanest that will survive.
i dun believe in god anymore, i believe in myself, i believe in money.

i know one of these days, god will make me take back my words.

banish me to hell, all 18th levels of them.

disclaimer: all above mentioned words are spoken in the moment of depression, daze and desperation. pls do not imitate.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

hmmm, today is shiloh's birthday.

anyway, went to challenger yesterday, finally, bought my 1GB storage card for my hp. $19.90, cheap liao.... finally. now transferring some things. alright, now instead of 64MB, i got 1000MB!!!!!!! can take more pictures of son son and take more videos of this naughty boy.

ok, let me see....
my next target is a PSP for marcus and a gameboy or nintendo DS for mabel. so looking ard for promotion. early birthday present for them

Friday, May 25, 2007

humans, we are juz making use of one another, ain't it?

the only thing that gets me going are my three children. this morning, all of them were lazing on the bed, happily playing with one another. The gor gor and jie jie love max, i think max particularly gets on well with jie jie. well, at least jie jie can make him laugh. Max always look forward to playing with both of them. without both of them, i think he would feel bored. should have taken a picture of 3 of them in bed this morning.

looking at them, i juz know feel that they need the parents, we must go on for the sake of them.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

2nd June is next Sat. coming soon. sigh, if i can't meet this deadline, i dunno how.

anyway, life is going on. it has to

Sunday, May 20, 2007

SATURDAY

ok, on sat, went hola for breakfast. then go to school, students reporting for flag day. after about an hour, quite confirm that nobody will come anymore, pack up. went to repair my PC. then some stupid thing happen to me. i couldn't quite believe myself. i miss a step, or rather i didn't see a step and i fell down. lucky i used my hand to 'ding' otherwise i fall flat on my face. but my 2 knee caps, bruised and abrasion. lucky i wear long pants, otherwise abrasion more jialat. kao, i can't believe myself, how could i not see the step???? so damn paiseh. it's like an adult falling down lor, actually it's quite funny.

then still got some time before i head back to school to collect the tins, so we went queensway shopping centre to check out the price of sports shoes. This mr tan hor, his puma shoes almost spoil already, suppose to buy a new one, but then hor, see so long, still haven't buy.

anyway, went back school to collect the tins. then when this is settled, by the time we reach home, it's like almost 3 plus. still have to go hospital. but today, thanks to max who was feeling sleepy, we didn't stay in the hospital too long. then come back, 530 already, later 7pm going my mum's house for dinner, catch a quick nap. oh yah, on the way to my mum's house, marcus fell down. and the funny thing was he fell down exactly the same way as i did!!! he missed a step, then without warning, he fell to his knees. i was like laughing real hard...(actually as i was typing now, i'm still laughing at the incident) it's like i so bad lor, my son fell down, well, he didn't really cry, but it was painful, but this mother here kept on laughing) then we were like telling mabel, u better be careful, watch your step, u maybe the next one to fall.

in the night, on yibing's invitation, went out to celebrate his birthday. mr tan came along too. after the youngest one sleep already, we changed and we decided to take a cab. dun want to be caught for drunk driving. was really excited. it's like the old times again, going out on sat nites. went to qbar at the boat quay. actually it's not really at boat quay. it's opposite boat quay! that's a big difference. anyway, met up, drank some, cut birthday cake and then we change venue. decided to go kbox at marina square. it's really fun to take the slow walk to marina square. makes both of us feel young again . there were about 10 of us.

it was really like good to see some of the ex students, and even happier to see that they have grown up, became best of friends and brothers. we already made appointments, next time i shift to tampines, we will have more chance to lim kopi.

SUNDAY
woke up at 11 plus this morning, reached home at about 5am, so ok lah, about 6 hours of sleep. went over to the coffeeshop to try the new western stall, hmm, not too bad, then it's back to the hospital again. then after that, went to tampines giant to buy food stuff. decided to have steam boat becos marcus wants to catch the spiderman 2 on ch 5 tonight. so called grandma, aunties, sis, her bf adrian, and my mum of course.

tampines giant is a great place to buy things. lots of stuff, the food variety is a lot, the best part is there is live prawns! best for steamboat. beef, tho it's frozen, but not many supermarkets would sell beef sukiyaki or shabu shabu. they are the best for steamboat, tho it's not the genuine jap steamboat. i even manage to get pork sukiyaki. can u beat that??? then at least, manage to get some vegetables that is suitable for steamboat. fruits!!!! oh yah, some inconsiderate people actually stood there and on the pretext of tasting the lychee, ate so many lychee. how cheapo can they get? bought the thai mango too, ohhhhh, saliva dripping.

the seafood range is great too. there is one whole cuttlefish, sotong, not many supermarkets sell this too. and we bought some gong gong. juz boil it, it would be best. then this uncle saw me buy one whole cuttlefish, he wanted to know how much it cost, it was $2 something. then i ask uncle cheap or not, uncle say cheap, he also buy one. it was nice chatting with shoppers. oh yah, there was this salesgirl who recommend me to buy the scallop, half shell. i tell her i dunno how to cook, she even teach me how to cook!!! juz steam can already. i was tempted to buy, but i need to focus on buying things for steamboat. so i told her i'll get it some other time. said i'll get the scallops for steamboat instead. it was great shopping at tampines giant. the best thing is parking is FREE!!!!! i can imagine myself shopping there more often when i shift to tampines.

guess, how much i spent? i bought a packet of rice, some drinks, soya ben, milk, cheese, cuttle fish, live prawns 1 kg, gong gong, vegetables, jambu fruit, mango, meat, beef, chicken, pork pacific clams 2 cans, the shoots 2 cans, scallops 1 packet, udon, yong tau foo stuff, toilet roll, oh yah, and shrek 3 packaging coco balls, (and guess wat, marcus drop the whole packet of coco balls at home while eating, it's like all three of us picking up the balls for him lor. lucky the floor is not dirty) total is $147. cheap sia, for so many things. there would be 8 adults, 2 children and 2 maids eating, total 12 people. about $12.25 per person. cheap.........

ok, i got to go help to prepare the steamboat stuff.

Friday, May 18, 2007

ok, i'm pissed. you dun come and disturb me early in the morning, u piss me off, u get wrath.

as usual, i was driving along PIE, on the centre lane, not very fast today, about 80 - 90. then as i approach simei, i filter into 3rd lane, travelling behind a van, 2 motorcycles. then there is this honda, at first sight, it was a honda accord, with that kind of white light as headlight, from my rear mirror, i can see that he cuts in from 1st lane to 2nd lane, wanting to cut into 3rd lane, but becos of the double white line, he was kind of like behind me. after the double white line, he wanted to cut into the 3rd lane, but couldn't quite decide whether to cut in front of me or behind me. so in the end, he choose to be behind me.

ok, so we exit. so you know there is this curvy road... well, the 2 motorcycles were slow, so i kind of like overtake them and drive on the outer curve. the honda got stuck behind the 2 motorcycles. so after exiting, the next step was to filter left into simei. this honda, after exiting the PIE, drive so fast (he is also obviously going into simei) and come up so close behind my car. i have a gut feeling that if i'm slow, he would have overtake me and cut into my lane. but becos i'm quite near to the filter already, so he had no choice but to go behind me. then i did something wicked. i brake, waiting for him to bang my car's backside.

filter into simei. then traffic light, stop. he looked at me, i looked back at him. then green light. he 'free willy' his car. do u call that 'free willy'? anyway i dunno the correct spelling but for a bike, the front wheel would have taken off. anyway, his wheels did some screeching sound and off he goes.

well, actually that could be the end of the story, but as i looked at the honda, kao, new civic, P plate, young man, i must stalk him all the way to the car park. so i chased after him. of course, my picanto cannot chase the civic, but then, come on, there are so many small roads, big buses around simei, how far can he go? but i know i have to watch out for pedestrains who may be crossing the road. i dun want to regret anything.

so chased him all the way to the carpark. the only thing i stop short of was to go down the car and give him a good scolding or to show him my middle finger. not worth the while. i made a 3 point turn and then i left.

young chaps. *slaps forehead* never cho cho ah soh when u drive. sD* 1188. nice number, maybe it could be his father's car.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

wahhhhhhh, so busy, no time to really sit down to blog. anyway, too mechanical and emotionless to really feel for each day. juz wake up, go through the motion, try to finish up my things, and then look forward to sleep.

max and marcus is not feeling well this week. brought max to see doc on sat morn. so is mil. she is warded in hosp. marcus, today, teacher called to say that he has fever, brought him home then to see doc. mainly cough, those dry kind of cough. i'm also feeling the itch in my throat today. been coughing slightly today. of course i catch the germs. When carry max that time, he started coughing, then he no jalan one, cough straight into my face. all his saliva on my face. and also he started to kiss me on my lips, like that i confirm catch the germs. no choice, your son kiss you, u cannot push away.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

now i understand when people are driven to desperation, some of the things that they do when they are desperate. i'm not saying that this is an excuse for people to commit crimes or things like.

it's juz that i understand their feeling, the feeling of desperation.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

another week has gone by. let me see, papa brought home $200 on friday, so we decided to order 1 crab for dinner.

on sat morning, we went to rangoon road to eat bak kuh teh for breakfast. shiok, quite crowded but managed to find space. the children enjoyed the you tiao. it's really nice. but $22.60, hmmm, quite a huge sum for breakfast. then in the afternoon, we went to rent 3 vcds to watch, 2 chinese film and 1 english film. world trade centre. bought some food to cook lunch.

then sis called and asked us to go watch spiderman 3 in the evening. we agreed. had to arrange max and the maid to be with my mother, so marcus, mabel, papa, me, sis and sis' bf, all six of us went to yishun 10 to watch spiderman 3 at 1810hr. we noticed yishun 10 shows a lot of bollywood movies. anyway, watched the show. nice show. marcus actually sat throughout the show and was very attentive. how i know he was attentive, he could remember a lot of the details of the movie after that. mabel slept for a while during the movie.

after the movie, we went yoshinoya in northpoint to eat. the kids didn't eat much cos they had so much popcorn during the movie. i noticed i had rice for all 3 meals on sat. rice for breakfast, (bak kuh teh), rice for lunch (cooked at home) and then rice for dinner (yoshinoya) god, i feel like a rice bucket.

then at night, we continued with our 2nd vcd. 'world trade centre' papa fell asleep halfway through the show. well, i was kind of disappointed with the show. no doubt it showed how the 2 policemen were rescued... ok, the effects of the wtc collapsing is quite real. but i expected the show to have more real life accounts, like those people in the top floors, wat happen when the plane slam into their offices, how did they manage to evacuate... it was like they took some time to walk all the way down... wat happen while they were evacuating, i was like hoping more for that.

again, didn't have a good sleep. max is not sleeping well at night. he tends to wake up in the middle of the night to make noise. then i really have to sit up and shake the cradle and pat him. then after that, i was like lying on my side, hand stretched out and holding this string which we attached to the side of the cradle and tugging the string to shake the cradle. hand muscles aching these few days. very interrupted sleep these few nights.

then on sunday, went to church to fetch marcus and mabel in the afternoon, went to tampines ikea for lunch and to shop around for their bedroom furniture. not really shop, juz checking out the items and let them take part in choosing their own bedroom furniture. it was surprisingly not very crowded. maybe becos most of the crowd is at giant or maybe due to the coming exams, more families are at home with their kids mugging for exams. ha! really tired in the afternoon when we came home. was watching the 3rd vcd, but could not tahan, slept. max and marcus slept too. mabel, i think she didn't sleep, dunno what she is busy with.

at night, went to this taiwan restaurant to eat. well, basically more for papa and sis and sis' bf to eat the 'smelly beancurd' hmm, i've tried it once, i really could not take the taste. so this time, only the 3 of them are eating, and my sis kept coercing me to eat, i said no. even until now, i can still smell the 'smelly beancurd' smell, it's like lingering around me. anyway, i know eating this is an acquired taste.

ok, max seems to be unhappy, got to quickly log off and go and check him out.

Friday, May 04, 2007

mood of the day

mood indicator: fatigue and extra irritable.

yesterday, spent long hours on the laptop in school, at least 4 or 5 hours before heading back home. then after dinner, mum came, had to help her with her typing of some chinese document for her church. so spent another 3 hours, finishing up the document. it's like some bible knowledge test. i dun mind typing some of the words, but imagine the person's name or the places' name in chinese. Jerusalum etc... after she went back, i was really really tired.

so about 10 plus, make max sleep. was juz crossing my finger that he doesn't wake up in the middle of the night. it was like on the previous night, he woke up at 3 something, then he sang song until 4 plus then he finally sleep. so last nite, i was juz hoping that he wouldn't do that.... then 2am, he woke up. and he seems fed up because he was like crying too. ok, something must be wrong with him. ok, changed his pampers, he's still not happy. probably the bites on his leg is very itchy and he is fed up and irritable. ok, so put some ointment for him. then juz let him sit on the bed and let him play with his toys for a while. while he's playing, i juz lay beside him and catch some sleep... occasionally he will bang his toys on my face, then i woke up with a start. then he will give this big smile... kao, can he get any cuter. mistake, shouldn't have sang 'baa baa black sheep' cos he liked the song and i had to sing like so many times, at least more than 5 times with actions. finally at 3 something, he started rubbing his eye, took his pillow. ok, indication that he's sleepy. so make him sleep. finally, peace.

then before long... the alarm went off. darn........

on way to school, ok, warning, dun do this. fatigue plus speeding is extremely dangerous. i was like travelling on the 1st lane, ok, about 110km... then this impreza in front was like travelling at 80km.... ok, weekend car, new car, so probably running in the engine so didnt' travel fast, but on 1st lane? ok, so i overtook it. wahhhh, impreza cannot tahan picanto overtook him.... anyway, i dunno him or her, didn't take a good look. juz assume it's a him and another passenger beside him. so he overtook me and cut in in front of me also... well, there are other cars on the road, since u want to go fast, ok, i go 2nd lane. he also cut in 2nd lane, in front of me. oh, puh-lease, i have no intention to speed with u, i know the limits of my car. but since u cut in in front of me, not once but twice, ok, u have incurred my wrath. so i stepped on the accelerator. he had to speed up too, then he suddenly cut in to the 1st lane. i had to step on the brake, cos there was a car in the 2nd lane that was really slow. lucky i got some reflex.

ok, then i think, ok, got to stop before anyone gets into an accident. anyway, there are many cars on 1st lane, but funny thing is 2nd lane, not many cars. so as usual, i juz continue my way. still meet impreza who is on the 1st lane. so now, i changed tactic, i travel at the same speed beside him, so that he couldn't overtake other cars in 1st lane. yeah, someone say i'm a vicious woman, i can't help to think that i may be one. anyway, it was fun, juz treat it that i've helped someone to realise that he's driving an impreza and he can go much faster than the 80km he was initially travelling at.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

1st May

let's see, labour day... hmmm, not much... woke up in the morning, went for breakfast, had to be vegetarian, 1st lunar day. after that, went home, checked email, while children all do their own things. then Max started to be naggy, time to bathe him and let him nap.

after bathing him, he slept. Then Marcus came into the room and asked when we are going to Pizza Hut. told him to bathe, and when Max wake up, we will move off. Max must have heard us talking, because after shifting his position, he peeped from behind his pillow and gave that huge big smile, as if to say that, mum, i'm ready to go.

went to amk's pizza hut. mabel has been acting funnily today. kept laughing, it's like she says something, then she gave a short laugh... like very bimbo-ish like that. anyway, we had a great time having lunch. ordered juz nice, actually wanted to order the chicken drumlets and the ocean platter that marcus wanted, luckily never order. it was only like only the two adults eating, mabel only had half a pizza, 2 pieces of garlic bread. marcus had more slices of the pizza, finished the whole bowl of soup and 1 piece of garlic bread. good thing, lucky...

after that, we went ntuc hypermart to shop. boy, we spent $155 on grocery and stuff like that. oh my god.... must be max pampers and milk powder. bought some simple food for steamboat for dinner. oh yah, must blog this, we brought our own bags to bag our grocery. 3 bags... cool huh? people were like looking at us... wondering if it is BYOB day. but nope, i'll practise bringing my own bags for all groceries from now on. well, my 3 bags still could not contain my things, needed 2 plastic bags for the files and spiderman toys.

oh yah, speaking about spiderman. the merchandise must be making a lot of money. because marcus insist on buying some spiderman thing. i actually said no, but thought, ok, he can choose something not so expensive. at first, he chose some spider web thingy, gosh, not a nice toy to choose. in the end, i made him choose this dart thing. it's something like the web, u wear this device on your hand and then shoot darts out. no need batteries, that's the main thing. and the darts are rubberised, so it's really safe. that contributed $20 to my $155! yah, but better than the web thing, $24.

after buying all the stuff, reached home. then max is cranky again, nap time. he was sleeping... but in between, so many phone calls on my hp, on the 3rd call i received, he woke up. i was like so fed up. i wanted to do some reading, now that he woke up, i couldn't. and he only like sleep for less than an hour and it's only 4pm. how to last through to 10pm?

ok, then, so mum will come for dinner, she had packet some left over food. played xbox with marcus, 2 players one. so it was quite fun. daddy took care of max, anyway, max was in the same room, playing by himself while we are playing.

mum came, had dinner, 5th aunt and sis came as well. 5th aunt could carry max, max wasn't crying. well, babies are cute.

sometimes, i must constantly remind myself to spend equal attention on mabel and marcus. cos max really stole my heart.